Posted on 09/12/2009 5:26:08 AM PDT by Kaslin
Reality-show star Jon Gosselin did it. Country singer Shania Twain, whose "One" has become a wedding standard, wound up a victim of it. An endless parade of politicians has done it, and those are the ones we wind up knowing about.
Adultery does happen. It always has and it always will. But I think we may have crossed a threshold.
While watching the president of the United States declare that we can legislate away hardship, during his joint-session of Congress health-care address, I was lured away from my hyper-blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking analysis by a commercial for ashleymadison.com.
To the soundtrack of a snoring woman in bed with a man, the announcer says: "Most of us can recover from a one-night stand with the wrong woman." The narrator continues: "But not when it's every night. For the rest of our lives."
The husband gets out of bed and heads, presumably, to the computer. We see a cartoonish wedding picture. We are made aware of what this restless spouse must be craving: an online dating site for those who are married, but itching for something more, with someone else.
"Life is short. Have an affair." is the motto for this no-frills facilitator. There's no need for confession or guilt. It's all straightforward and out in the open, at least to those in the know. And that's it: enticement, information and get your credit card ready.
The ad's commercial presence during the presidential address post-game commentary on MSNBC was jarring. Have 24 hours of Viagra and Cialis and KY ads made audiences of the talking-heads shows immune to noticing? Maybe they're a crowd that enjoys politics as sport ("Hardball"!) and views sex in the same terms: a biologically gratifying release without a greater context or purpose?
And in this fallen TV world, it's not that he's just not into his wife. It's equality, baby. Another ad on the same night featured an exaggerated boorish bore of a man and his wife in a restaurant on their anniversary. He takes a phone call. She is pleased to make eye contact with a leering rake at the bar. "When divorce isn't an option," is how Ashley Madison seeks to make this sale.
In both scenarios, any sense of shame was noticeably absent.
I asked the same question while reading the weddings section of the New York Times during Labor Day weekend. That week's story on a couple's road to wedded bliss was not one you'd expect to be on display: "There was a moment of connection, but it was so intense that we couldn't be friends," the featured bride told her husband. She and the man she married met on Broadway, playing the lovers Mimi and Rodolfo in "La Boheme," who would eventually be torn apart, clearly unlike the couple showcased in the article.
And so they dated. They would spend two weeks there together in France. And then, upon her return from the continent, she left her husband for her newfound love. The "little church girl" recalls: "From the moment our eyes met through those two weeks of being in Paris and the pain of going through a divorce, I knew that I loved him."
I know nothing about this couple other than what the Times told us. I wish them well. But what about us? What does it say about us when such a prominent fixture of American life and mores would choose to feature such a story? And it's not just the old Gray Lady that's moved by adulterous connections.
Just days after the wedding feature, a story on ABCnews.com began with: "Don't let your spouse see this story." It was titled: "Shh! The Top 5 Hotels for Having an Affair," and explained, "These are hotels with thick walls, a discreet staff, a bit of romance and maybe even a heart-shaped Jacuzzi."
In her book, "The Abolition of Marriage," Maggie Gallagher, one of the most committed marriage-protection activists in the country, wrote: "Marriage, like a corporation or private property, is an institution that must be supported by law and culture if it is to exist at all... (T)o have the choice as individuals to marry we must first choose as a society to create marriage."
I attended a wedding at St. Patrick's Cathedral that same Labor Day weekend, one that didn't make any features sections. During the sermon, the rector implored those in attendance to be a support for the couple, because the newlyweds will have hardship ahead, as all couples do. (You actually can't legislate it away.) Marriage is hard. And so family and friends, who so often can help make or break a marriage, must be supportive.
But what about the culture? Will the culture make a positive contribution to the institution of marriage? Or will we forever hold our peace in the face of blatant offenses to all that we should hold dear?
There will be rude cell habits, and snoring or something equally or more annoying. There will be temptations, and sometimes a relationship won't be sustainable. But many times it will be -- with some help. Marriage, born and nurtured by true love and responsibility can be the source of joy, life and a future generation that understands and honors the institution. We need to commit to it -- and to be ashamed by blatant violations of it -- for all our sakes, till death do us part.
And so they dated. They would spend two weeks there together in France. And then, upon her return from the continent, she left her husband for her newfound love. The “little church girl” recalls: “From the moment our eyes met through those two weeks of being in Paris and the pain of going through a divorce, I knew that I loved him.”
Ever since marriage was turned into a show for a day and the emphasis has been on the production, things have gone downhill, it seems. There are so many marriages that end even before the wedding is paid off it is ridiculous.
Perhaps the christian communities should refuse to marry folks until serious counseling and classes are taken. Perhaps folks who aren’t practicing their faith can just have civil unions or secular weddings?
I know my son, who is getting married in January had to go through one on one and couples counseling with our parish priest. They had to answer tough questions for him, both alone and together so he could see their reactions to each others answers. They have to attend pre cana marriage encounter for a weekend (16 hours I believe he said). They have to discuss children, abortion, money, sex, contraception, and several other topics and come to consensus prior to the wedding. They have to be active catholics attending Mass each week.
I know this isn’t done in every parish, but perhaps it should be before the sacrament of marriage is bestowed in a religous ceremony......
Ashley Madison =’s pure evil. I hate adultery.
Although it makes sense that a pre nuptial discussion takes place within the church, it seems to me , that in many Roman Catholic churches this is done without requiring that those getting married are members of the church. I suppose that in this denomination, as long as you have gone through the requisite preparation like communion, confirmation etc. you are considered a Roman Catholic and entitled to get married in a Catholic church, but it does not necessarily entail you being a committed Christian. Too many Protestant mainstream churches marry anybody off the street with the idea that somehow these people will come back on Sundays which never happens. A true Christian church will not marry anybody who is not a member or at least a regular attendee of that Church and who has made a public committment to Christ. Church is the body of believers in Christ who gather together for worship. It is not the venue solely for your wedding or baby’s christening.
A little off subject but I am sure you have all seen those videos of the new bride and groom smashing wedding cake into each other’s faces.
Some find this funny I am sadden. To me it shows a complete lack of respect one has for the other. I do not know when this became a “tradition” at weddings, it was not around when I got married in 1970.
Maybe I am just out of touch with the world but I have to wonder if that is really the way to begin a life together.
...First thing we do is kill all the lawyers....Shakespeare
No, that is not the case. At least one member of the couple must be an active, practicing catholic for at least 6 months prior to the wedding. They will marry an interfaith couple, but it is REQUIRED of both of them to sign an actual statement saying they will accept children AND raise them in the Catholic church.
I know many do just ‘jump through the hoops” to get their child baptised or get married, but at that point, the church has done pretty much all it can do, and the rest is left up to the couple and God. If they were lying or just putting on a show, they can fool the church, the pastor and even themselves, but God will not be mocked.
They are not selling affairs. They are selling hedonistic narcissism.
Time to pull out C.S. Lewis for an out-of-context quote:
"There dwell an accursed people, full of pride and lust. There, when a young man takes a maiden in marriage, they do not lie together, but each lies with a cunningly fashioned image of the other, made to move and to be warm by devilish arts, for real flesh will not please them, so dainty (delicati) are they in their dreams of lust. Their real children they fabricate by vile arts in a secret place." -- That Hideous Strength
We're not there yet, but you can see it on the horizon.
Cheers!
The Curse of the Moon People.
Coming soon to a society near you.
Sometimes you can do everything right, and still get duped.
14 years ago, I met someone who appeared moral, went to church regularly, had conservative ideas, came from a church going family, had a good job and seemed like a solid family man. I dumped a party animal type to be with him exclusively. We dated for several years before getting married. All that time he never made comments about other women, never gave them more than a cursory glance... So here I am now, in the middle of a divorce, after he confessed to me in a fit of conscience that he’d been with nearly 20 different women in the 11 years we were married.
Not that I didn’t have a clue, but I could never catch him at it, he was that good.. and since I worked nights, he had plenty of opportunities.
And that party animal I dumped? He grew up, straightened up, and has been my best friend during this ordeal, without expecting anything in return. So you can’t always tell how someone will turn out.
Prosperity breeds decadence and tough economic times tend to focus the mind on more important things. People tend to believe they can provide all of their desires when they feel rich, that they are the source of their own happiness, rather than depending on God and family for happiness
I think this is going to become yesterday’s story very soon.
So you can’t always tell how someone will turn out.
But when we tried to get married in a Protestant church in NYC, they, like the Catholics required months of classes or workshops, We wanted to get married right away, so the minister at our wedding was an Episcopal priest from the gay underground who just came and performed the service.
That was 16 years ago and we’re still married.
Who would have thought that a man and a woman who wanted to get married in a religious service would have to find a solution in an illicit subculture?
I guess the point here is that many churches want the couple to be committed Christians, not just people who like the idea of a religious service for a wedding. I would suppose they would think that if an atmosphere of “religion” was important for a very special day, then regular church attendance would also have a place.
It is interesting what you say. I had several Roman Catholic friends here in NY where their parents were active members, but they were not. They were allowed to get married as Catholics. Thanks for the info.
I’d think it undignified and could upset guests not expecting it, but if they both agreed in advance on the horseplay... hey, who am I to rain on their wedding.
you have a point — BUT — making people go to classes for six months isn’t going to church — it’s classes —
and what better way to catch/welcome people than when they are making a commitment to each other in a place of worship in fornt of their families/friends. Don’t you see that they will always love the church where that happened and want to go back?
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I guess the point here is that many churches want the couple to be committed Christians, not just people who like the idea of a religious service for a wedding. I would suppose they would think that if an atmosphere of “religion” was important for a very special day, then regular church attendance would also have a place.
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