[myknowledge]

Is this a ploy to further illiterate the reading skills of our schoolchildren or is it to protect them from the superstitious and occult themes inherent in the Twilight series of books.

[trumandogz]

Come on mom and dad, all you need to do is take responsibility for what your kid reads and let the books remain in the library so that other kids have the freedom to read.

[Vanders9]

Either way it keeps them from the insipid, morally vacuous cult of the anti-hero that seems to permeate modern art. Evil is the new good, dontcha know? I know creative types have to keep looking for new angles, but these stories where the “villains” are all “deeply misunderstood because of traumas in their childhood”, whilst the so-called “good guys” are psychoanalysed into being shallow, prejudiced non thinking types are really going too far.

Anyway, the idea of a teenage girl falling in love with an angst-ridden struggling-for-redemption vampire has already been done (and much better too) in “Buffy the vampire slayer”.

[BlueStateBlues]

This will only bring more children to the books. When a book or movie is banned by an authority it creates more interest. The second movie in this series is coming out on November 20, and these teens will line up for it.

[tkas]

There are lots of books that my daughter is not allowed to read, and most television is off limits for her. That said, I let her read these books. In fact, she reads them out loud to me. She knows that vampires aren’t real and thus far there has only been some kissing.

When asked on the first day of school this year in English class what her favorite book was she replied “Atlas Shrugged”, which she read last spring. I am NOT worried about this kid. There are plenty of other books in the library as well as crap they are asked to read for school that is much more objectionable than this!

[wintertime]

Ping

[YankeeGirl]

Would they call for banning the entire Fantasy and Magic genre? Have they already banned the Harry Potter stuff?

I guess some of the classic poetry needs to go too, better remove Coleridge’s Christabel, ....

Wouldn’t want anyone exposed to creative writing or anything mildly interesting or unusual.....

[RowdyFFC]

I’ve read all of Meyers books and love them. Her ability to create these worlds is brilliant, and her ability to take you back to the feeling of a teenager is creative writing at its best.

If you communicate with your children and educate them to realize that those books are are fiction, that nothing in them is true other than the day changes to night, and they are strictly for entertainment and reading practice, there’s no harm at all in the books.

A family of demon’s attempt to find redemtion is certainly a different concept, but not in reality. Children have to be taught the difference.

Just like they have to be taught the difference in Obama’s commie Utopia and mainstreet USA.

[visualops]

Many people on this thread seem to themselves have a reading comprehension problem. This is not in the US, and the book restrictions are in some private school libraries, not public libraries. The schools are free to restrict the content of the libraries any way they see fit. Even a public library doesn’t carry every book out there, and the books are arranged by recommended age group and theme (i.e. children’s, young adult, etc). This is much ado about nothing, as the kids are able to read the books at home should their parents allow it. The schools are merely asking that students not circumvent the library restrictions by bringing the books from home.

[BudgieRamone]

Funny thing is I have “read” the first two books (my wife is blind and reads the books in audio format as she falls asleep) and while the occult—vampires and werewolves—leanings are there I don’t see the relationships as being particularly bad. Maybe I am just desensitized.

[Renderofveils]

TWILIGHT SUMMARY (Warning, the maturity level of this summary is on par with the horrid writing of the books.)

KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.

KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)
Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.

BILLY BURKE
Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.

KRISTEN STEWART
Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.

KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.

ANNA KENDRICK
Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?

GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?

MICHAEL WELCH
No way you #$%^, I saw her first!

KRISTEN STEWART
I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?

ANNA KENDRICK
Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!

KRISTEN STEWART
Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ANNA KENDRICK
Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you're a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don't think so. Let's make out.

Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.

KRISTEN STEWART
Who's the albino Wolverine?

ANNA KENDRICK
Oh, him? That's Robert. He's universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn't date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.

KRISTEN STEWART
No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days...

KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.

KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)

ROBERT PATTINSON
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry what-so-ever.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What's going on?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.

KRISTEN STEWART
Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephanie Meyer!

ROBERT PATTINSON
There's more. I want to eat you.

KRISTEN STEWART
Holy @#%^, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but...

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I mean literally eat you. I'm a vampire.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70s.

He DOES.

KRISTEN STEWART
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spider-Man, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.

KRISTEN STEWART
So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!

ROBERT PATTINSON
That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.

KRISTEN STEWART
So if you're immortal, how old are you anyway?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Over a hundred, but to be fair I've spent most of that time working on my hair.

The two of them GAZE into each other's eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.

INT. KRISTEN'S BEDROOM

KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.

KRISTEN STEWART
Holy $%^&*ing @#$%! If you weren't so hot I'd have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?

ROBERT PATTINSON
2 months.

KRISTEN STEWART
But I've only lived here one month according to the script.

ROBERT PATTINSN
Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don't get hung up on #$%^ like that.

KRISTEN STEWART
Oh. Well, as long as you're here I guess we could have sex.

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I can't have sex with you! I'd be unable to control myself! I'd bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I'd need to wear like fifty condoms.

KRISTEN STEWART
Wait, we can't have sex at all, and you can't suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?

ROBERT PATTINSON
It's alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.

INT. BILLY BURKE'S HOUSE

BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.

KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.

BILLY BURKE
Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry's ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.

KRISTEN STEWART
Alright. Oh, and also: He's a 100-year-old vampire, don't say anything racist about vampires, okay?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you're so lame.

BILLY BURKE
So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Ummmmmmmm...

BILLY BURKE
Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.

KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, you're embarrassing me almost as much as my acting! I'm just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I'll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.

BILLY BURKE
Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It's literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.

KRISTEN STEWART
Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don't need this!

BILLY BURKE
Really? Weren't you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?

KRISTEN STEWART
Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent or physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!

ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT'S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.

INT. GLASS MANSION

KRISTEN meets ROBERT'S VAMPIRE FAMILY.

KRISTEN STEWART
Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn't smell as bad.

PETER FACINELLI
Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I'm the father figure of this family because I'm the one who turned them all into vampires. There's something disturbing about the idea that I've only turned teenagers into vampires, but let's ignore that.

KRISTEN STEWART
Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?

PETER FACINELLI
Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin...

NIKKI REED
Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.

KRISTEN STEWART
Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.

NIKKI REED
Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?

KRISTEN STEWART
Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?

PETER FACINELLI
Vampire baseball.

KRISTEN STEWART
Ha ha, no seriously.

PETER FACINELLI
Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?

KRISTEN STEWART
Actually, as it happens, the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.

They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTEN.

CAM GIGANDET
Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we'll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.

CAM GIGANDET
Murder, eh? That's one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays Scrabble.

PETER FACINELLI
The family that slays together, stays together.

CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.

PETER FACINELLI
Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?

PETER FACINELLI
Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.

He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.

INT. HOSPITAL

KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.

KRISTEN STEWART
I thought vampires never slept.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Script. Six weeks. Remember?

KRISTEN STEWART
Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let's go to the prom together.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.

KRISTEN STEWART
From vampires?

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I'm screwed, but it's not too late for you.

KRISTEN STEWART
No. No, you can't ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Holy #@$%, you're a clingy psychotic #$%^&. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.

They stay together and go to the PROM.

KRISTEN STEWART
I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.

ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.

ROBERT PATTINSON
At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

They ARE.

END

[bikerman]

The sky is falling the sky is falling. Daytime soaps have more sex than children books.

[Mrs. Don-o]

I've read reviews of the Stephanie Meyers books saying they're too CHASTITY ORIENTED. The kids are terribly passionately attracted to each other, emotionally overwrought and so forth, but they are worried about consequences, about responsibilities, about right and wrong, about their spiritual well-being, and don't actually have intercourse until they're married.

Some feminists think it's disguised Mormon propaganda.

I kid you not.

[kdot]

There’s a big difference between requiring the book to be part of the classwork and banning it from the library and personal backpacks. Keep the library fully stocked and teach your kids to chose good books. Teaching the kids that censureship is okay is a lesson unto itself. I’m more concerned with the outward display of Obama-love in the classroom than my daughter reading Twilight from the library.

[badpacifist]

Read them .....no big deal ....Disney movies have similar fantasy and occult themes.

[what's up]

But teachers addressed the primary students because they were concerned they might be too young to deal with the adult themes.

No duh.

I get a kick out of not allowing younger kids to read these books described as the books being "ripped from the shelves". LOL.

In truth, some responsible adults (teachers, librarians, students) are choosing to bar some books from elementary shelves. Censorship? Please. This is part of their job.

It's the RESPONSIBILITY of teachers to filter through what they believe to be inappropriate material. Most kids in 5-6 grade MAY be ready to process the themes. There's a whole lot of younger kids in the school who are likely not. Perhaps the adults in charge would rather favor books without a supernatural theme as well in favor of themes that concentrate on the here and now and real life. That's their choice...to not favor the fantasy-themed best-sellers. So what?

Can't believe many Freepers don't get this. Should they put "Sex and the City" videos on the shelves as well? Is not allowing the show to be available in schools "censorship"?

[Oztrich Boy]

It’s a ploy to get kids to read the books.

[nina0113]

I’ve never read any of them - I figured Meyer was just capitalizing on Buffy’s success. Are they any good? The guy from the movie isn’t nearly as hot as Angel, way too effeminate.