Posted on 06/15/2009 8:19:28 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
he first week of April had me visiting many of the major national television programs to talk about my new book, "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms."
One typical concern various interviewers shared was the problem of taking care of children at home by a parent when there’s been a divorce, which generally results in day care and a working custodial parent . . . usually the mother.
I respond by pointing out two concepts I believe are “truths.” One, that the quality of love and attention of a parent is superior to that of hired help (nanny, day-care worker, baby sitter), and two, that children have the best opportunity to grow up healthy, happy, and functional with a married mommy and daddy. That some people can’t or won’t provide those things doesn’t change their importance to a child.
I remember when my husband and I decided to become parents. I specifically asked: “Is there any reason you can see after all the years we’ve known each other that you might decide to divorce me? Because if there is even an ounce of ambivalence in either of us to this marital commitment, we shouldn’t have a child and risk the quality of their lives.”
My follow-up joke was, “I would not consider divorce. However, if you see me driving a trash truck right at you while my face is scowling —look out!”
Sadly, too many folks don’t consider these issues out loud before they marry and before they have children. When the stresses of life pile up, their individual or mutual inability to live by their vows evaporates.
Of course, the bond may be broken irrevocably when violence, addictions, and/or infidelities occur.
(Excerpt) Read more at newsmax.com ...
The headline and the column seem to make contrary points...
Laura needs to get her own life in order before dishing out advice like she is some kind of pro at life.
This is going to be a very long thread.
As a product of the 70’s child support rush called “I am just not being fulfilled as a woman” divorce and all it entailed (latchkey kid with wayyyy to much free time on my hands) STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS.
Usually when you get over your itch, you’ll be happy you did.
Not everyone should stay together, I’m divorced and remarried. But look at the reasons you want out. “I’m just not happy” is a lousy excuse to bust up a home when most of the time it seems the problem isn’t the marraige but that one partner needs to find something outside the home to occupy them without crapping on the other partner (ie: no affairs, but a hobby or something).
Just an observation and not a judgement on anyone.
Granted, there are callers that definitely bring the pain on themselves, but some people call in wanting genuine advice and I don't think she helps at all.
Are you saying that her advice is bad?
People seem to have the notion that kids do poorly with 2 unhappy parents being together, and that kids do better with the 2 parents being apart and trying to work out some sort of sharing arrangement.
In my experience, the situation is quite opposite. Even with bickering parents, kids benefit from a family under one roof. Just my opinion.
My brother is going through this. His wife of 17 years had an affair. They have 3 kids (16,12,7). Even though he was betrayed, he couldn’t fathom getting divorced so he forgave her and they entered therapy. Then, 6 months later, he caught her with the same guy. Devastating. Now he lives in an apartment a mile from their house. he sees his kids everyday and they haven’t formally divorced.
The problem is the children are upset with him because her moved out. He can’t tell the truth to them (that their mom is a cheating whore) but it’s killing him inside.
He will tell the kids what happened soon, then any semblance of civility with evaportae between him and his soon to be ex. It’s ugly.
I’ve been married 7 years, have 2 kids, and othet than the normal stresses of married life - money, work, fatigue etc things are good. I can’t imagine what I’d do if my wife cheated on me.
Before my wife and I were married we had some serious discussions about what marriage meant to each other.
I had an exceptional mother and father. They were married over 25 years before my father died.
They showed love to each other, even in front of us kids (ewwwwww), they argued, but never fought, they taught their kids that marriage was forever so be VERY careful who you marry.
My wife and I aren't as good as my parents were but we both believed, before we were married, that marriage is forever, till death do us part, etc.
It has carried us through some tough times to know that just because we were mad at each other didn't mean we didn't still love each other.
Bickering parents leads to the possibility that the daughters will seek husbands just like their bickering fathers. This is how is has played out with my oldest daughter who is in the verge of ending the marriage. And I fear their daughters will gravitate towards the same emotional abuser.
Yes. Most often she likes to dish out advice without knowing the situation. Any therapist knows never to diagnose and prescribe before knowing the facts.
Her advice is all over the map and she has routinely changed by views.
Oh, I know it’s not your fault. I suspect the editor who wrote the headline was either sloppy or didn’t agree with Dr. Laura’s actual conclusion.
Having learned first-hand from (and having therefore recognized) one’s mistakes
almost guarantees
one’s advice is worth considering.
A doctor who has an addiction to smoking and has terminal lung cancer is NOT a hypocrite when he tells you should never try smoking because it will mess up your life. Not sure why you suggest otherwise regarding Dr. Laura - unless perhaps because some of her moral advice is critical of your own choices and you wish to see her discredited.
You’re right, Autumnraine
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