Posted on 05/05/2009 1:36:08 PM PDT by Jim Robinson
Edited on 05/05/2009 3:53:30 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
So, you say you want to win elections? No problem. Just be more like the Democrats.
All you've got to do is:
1) Quit talking about abortion. Go along with the flow. A woman's body is hers to control. If a growing baby is in the way, who cares? Kill him!
2) Quit objecting to gay marriage. That's so, like, yesterday. Don't you watch Rosie O'Donnell? Gay marriage is sooooo in. Queer is cool.
3) Quit objecting to big spending, big government, big taxes. C'mon man, the government knows what's best for us. Paying your taxes is patriotic. BIG government with BIG ideas is what made America GRATE!! Takes a lot of money to keep those BIG ideas flowing from BIG government!
4) Quit worrying about following the constitution. Talk about yesterday, the constitution is ancient! A quaint old document written by rich white guys in different times, for different times. There is no way our founding fathers could have foreseen all the problems we have in our modern times. Time to ditch the constitution and get with the modern program! We should pay more attention to international law and how they do things in Europe! Peace, bro!
5) Speaking of international law, why do we keep resisting the United Nations and other global government bodies? That's so old fashioned. If we all get behind the UN, it'll be a BIG step towards world peace! Europe, Russia, China, North Korea, Syria, Iran, et al, know more about peace than all the rest of us put together!
6) Speaking of world peace, why do we spend so much money on our war making machines? Cut the military!! Dismantle and destroy the nukes!! Scrap the Air Force and the Navy!! Convert the army into a civilian peacekeeping corps! If they held a war and no one came, we'd have peace, man!! Cut the war making machines and save the world!!
7) Borders? Why? They just get in the way of international commerce and the free flow of goods and labor. And they foment nationalism. Nationalism is our biggest enemy! Dissolve the borders and let freedom ring for all!!
8) Global warming, er, climate change. C'mon, it's obvious to all, and 12,000,000 government (political) scientists cannot be questioned. The climate is changing. And man made CO2 is the reason! We must reduce our carbon footprint on this planet or we're all gonna die! The GOP must stop being part of the problem and jump onto the climate change bandwagon. We're the last holdout!
9) The economy. We're burning too much oil. Too much fossil fuel. We cannot be profitable using oil that must be imported from countries that don't like us very much. Close down all industry depending on fossil fuels and start building new industries that use good green wind, solar and wave power!! Don't worry that these technologies don't exist yet, just close the coal burning plants and build the new. We'll tax the holdouts to death and create good shovel ready green jobs for the masses.
10) Healthcare. What greater right is there than the equal right to the miracle of modern medicine for everyone? Let's quit beating around the bush. The federal government is the only entity big enough to supply free and equal healthcare to the masses. Government knows best. Time for stingy conservatives to get out of the way. Like the successful battles for African-American and gay rights, equal healthcare rights for all is a civil rights issue!! So is housing! We all have the right to live in equal housing!!
11) Stop talking about religion and God and Jesus and the Creator and all that superstition stuff. Just makes us look foolish. Sheesh, talk about ancient. Jesus walked 2000 years ago. And God is older than dirt! And our dirt is old, man. Not 6,000 years—billions of years. Creator? All of our textbooks say man oozed out of the swamps millions of years ago. And he’s been oozing ever since! Everyone that grew from a clump of worthless cells in his mama’s belly like a parasite on its host knows that. Especially if he attended public schools.
12) And for crying out loud quit talking about Ronald Reagan!! Reagan was nothing but a "B" grade movie actor. He's the most hated Republican since Dick Nixon! We'll never win over the (left leaning) moderates and centrists by bragging about Reagan's conservatism (spit!). His trickle down supply side Reganomics was a failure anyway. Here we are only two decades after his departure and the economy he left is already failing. Especially in the last year or so. And the USSR was bound to fail eventually. His speech regarding tearing down the Berlin Wall was a waste of time.
:^)
“Bipartisianship means Dems get their way always!”
Yup. We need MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS WHO WIILL FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!
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