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This Canadian writer has obviously never been to Nevada.
The losses are sad and terrible.
The routine ...routine.
However, in this is a clarity as long as you don’t think too much about the purpose, just the mission and your buddies. Work, sleep, eat and survive. Really, to me, much more clear, satisfying and so much less complicated than living as a civilian or stateside.
If you know your enemy, if death comes quickly and not the endlessness of permanent injury and you can put both away and out of mind, it is not so bad.
It is the loneliness though isn’t it? The responsibility to communicate with those you love and who love you, pressed against the avoidance of doing so out of self protection. When you can finally put the pain of missing to the background you hate to pull it up again because you know how hard it is to put back where it is out of the way.