Bomb Squad Detonates Suspicious Bag, (Finds Feces)

WLWT ^ | 4-24-09 | Mikey_1962

[Mikey_1962]

CINCINNATI -- The bomb squad had to be called out to deal with a suspicious package found along Martin Luther King Drive in Avondale.

Police said that a Metro bus driver alerted them to the package at about 5:15 p.m. Sunday.

Officers said that when they arrived, they could see that something was inside a bag at the scene. They could also tell that it was heavily duct taped.

An explosive detection K-9 unit, as well as the Fire Department and bomb squad were called to the scene.

The bomb unit took X-rays of the bag and saw what appeared to be cans or cylinders but could not determine what was inside.

Police decided to detonate the bag, after which they found what appeared to be feces in the duct-taped cans.

[Mikey_1962]

Taking the burning bag to the next level!

[a fool in paradise]

So I take it that the dog “hit” on it. Right?

[a fool in paradise]

PONG!

[US Navy Vet]

AW Crap!

[70th Division]

BINGO! A $%IT Bomb. Now that is funny. Crap was flying everywhere.

[Malsua]

Exploded a bag of $h17!

They won’t live that one down for a long time.

[ronnyquest]

That’s what we call poetic justice.

[null and void]

Explosives. When a fan just isn’t enough...

[No Truce With Kings]

Back when I was a kid, living in Michigan a standard “Devil's Night” activity consisted of the following:

Fill up a paper sack with dog droppings.

Put a few Kleenex in the top of the bag.

Set said bag on the doorstep of grumpy old man “Smith's” front door.

Light bag.

Ring doorbell and run and hide in the bushes.

Watch grumpy neighbor open door, see flaming bag, and stomp it out with his foot.

Back then the big risk was that Mr. Smith would pepper your bottom with a shotgun loaded with rock salt — or worse yet, recognize you and call your folks (who would then blister your bottom with a spanking that made you eat standing up for the next week). Today if you got caught doing that you would be up on a Federal terrorism felony charge.

Mind, at my current age my sympathies lie with grumpy old Mr. Smith rather than the fun-loving kids, but I still think the blistered bottom approach was a more appropriate deterrent than making a Federal case out of it.

[Califreak]

SNL Transcript

Announcer: Tomorrow, on “Martha Stewart Living”.

Martha Stewart: Goblins, ghouls, spooky ghosts. These are all things that remind us of Autumn’s most flamboyant holiday - All Hallow’s Eve. I’m Martha Stewart.

A lot of attention gets paid to Halloween candy. But tomorrow on “Living”, we’ll celebrate the time-honored pranks of the season, when we make Halloween’s tricks a treat.

Toilet paper has become a staple of the Halloween prankster’s toolkit. I’ll show you how to design, plan, and implement a TP job that is both visually stunning and full of.. mischievious good cheer.

[ frozen exterior shot of Martha’s TP job outlined as a ghost in a tree ]

This is what I did to my ex-husband’s house.

[ Martha walks over to a bowl of eggs and holds them momentarily ]

The egg has been the weapon of choice for Halloween revelers for hundreds of years. Chosen for its sticky texture and its lingering sulphurous smell, eggs are a great way to make a lasting impression. [picks up a small, blue egg ] A robin’s egg splatters in a prism of harvest colors [ smashes robin’s egg on the counter ] That felt really good. [ holds a gift-wrapped basket of brown eggs ] I kept these brown eggs in the back of my greenhouse all summer. By October 31st, they should give off a really good pungent smell. And make sure to throw your eggs in the middle of the night. That wet, cracking sound really scares the hell out of people.

And, of course, no Halloween would be complete without a flaming bag of poop. The aroma of burning manure mixed with shoe leather on a crisp New England evening is a childhood memory I really cherish. And, once you learn the technique, you’ll be able to do it year-round. I do it every day to my next-door neighbor.

So, join us tomorrow for a special Halloween “Living”. I spend 364 days a year suppressing the demons inside me. But on Hallow’s Eve, I invite them to dance. It’s a good thing.

[Tijeras_Slim]

ping

[Califreak]

[patton]

LOLOLOL!

[Kartographer]

I don’t like Meg McCain very much either, but I don’t think she should be blown up. ;-)

[WOBBLY BOB]

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/75aab08738/denise-richards-funbags

[Constitution Day]

Ha!

[patton]

Heheheh.

[KarlInOhio]

Announcer: [ over scrolling SUPER ] "Among the barbarian hordes who sacked and pillaged their way across Europe during the waning years of the Roman Empire, no tribe was more notorious than The Vandals, a Germanic people driven westward by Celtic expansion during the Fourth Century A.D. The Vandals established a Kingdom in Gaul, where they quickly became the most feared tribe in the known world - that is, the world as it was known at that time. In saying this, we do not mean to take anything away from the Visigoths, Lumbards, Huns, Francs or Ostragoths. These nomadic groups were certainly terrifying in their own way. But the Vandals.. were unbelievable."

[ dissolve to a Roman encampment covered with toilet paper ]

[ SUPER: "A Roman Encampment - Somewhere Near The River Elbe - A.D. 419" ]

[ a pair of juvenile Vandals run into the scene, ??? ]

Vandals: Centurion! Centurion! [ they run ]

[ Centurion exits his tent ]

Centurion: Hello! What's going on out here, who is it? [ looks down to discover the fire in front of his tent ] Oh, no! [ stomps the fire out with his foot, squirting excrement across the grass ] Ohhhhhh! Oh, no! Now, who would do a thing like that?! Guard! [ Guard steps forward ] Give me your sword! [ takes Guard's sword and scrapes the excrement off the bottom of his sandal ] These are my new sandals! Awww! Guard! Who's responsible for this?!

Lieutenant: Apparently, we were attacked during the night, sir.

Centurion: Attacked? By whom?

Lieutenant: [ confused ] The Vandals, sir.

Centurion: Vandals, Lieutenant?

Lieutenant: Yes, sir. A Germanic people driven westward by Celtic expansion in the Fourth Century A.D. The Vandals established a Kingdom in Gaul-

Centurion: Don't give me any of your fancy military school nonsense! I know you graduated cum laude! Now, I want a full report of the damage!

Lieutenant: Well, sir.. we have a score of badly-soiled sandals.. the tires on your chariot were slashed.. and it appears the entire camp has been TPed, sir.

Centurion: TPed?

Lieutenant: Covered with toilet paper, sir.

Centurion: Is that.. dangerous?

Lieutenant: Well.. if it rains..

Rest at http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79avandals.phtml.

[dblshot]

[Jonah Hex]

The Romans always had difficulties dealing with barbarians:

Centurion Blackadder: "We're facing a horde of ginger maniacs, with wild goats nesting in their huge orange beards, or, to put it another way, 'The Scots', and how does our inspiring leader Hadrian intend to keep out this vast army of lunatics? By building a three foot high wall. A terrifying obstacle. About as frightening as a little rabbit with the word "boo" painted on its nose."

Consul Georgius: "I say, this is interesting! There seems to be a large orange hedge moving towards us."

Centurion Blackadder: "Uh, that's not a hedge Consul. That's the Scots."