Replies

That’s more damaging than just saying “no” in the long run as the resentment on both sides grows.

I don't agree that it is damaging but if you think flat rejection is not just as damaging or more so I think you need to understand guys better. It still comes down to the women having the three choices I outlined above if he comes on to her when she is not in the mood.

Certainly he needs to do a better job getting her in the mood but the fact remains that sooner or later he WILL come on to her when she is not in the mood and she will be back to options 1 2 and 3.

The best thing is if he can get her in the mood or she already is in one. but is she isn't something is off. So how does that get fixed? If she just flat turns him down he learns she is not turned on by him and stops asking as much. If she goes through the motions she is basically lying to him.

It comes down to communication. Not just verbal but all types. If going through the motions is making her resentful she needs to get that out in the open and/or fix the attitude. Guys can't fathom why a women that loves them would resent having sex with them. No really, we simply don't get that at all. I mean why wouldn't she find is attractive and get turned on? That means we are either doing something wrong or she does not find us appealing. Either way it is a huge ego blow. Guys don't know what makes women work, not really, and what culture tells us is either wrong, or guaranteed to make us miserable because it does not take men's feelings into account.

I think the point of it all and the point of the article is not to make women think 'just going through the motions' is what is needed. The point is merely to make it 100% clear that just turning him down is harmful and explain why. This is critically important because society shows us if she is turning you down a lot it is either a problem with YOU or it is marriage in general to blame. Both of which are dead wrong and very harmful.

...society shows us if she is turning you down a lot it is either a problem with YOU or it is marriage in general to blame. Both of which are dead wrong and very harmful.

This isn't a "one answer fits all" problem: Depends on the partners...see my post 147.

I’m going by what my husband has said. That nothing is better than it being deemed as a chore.