Posted on 12/13/2008 4:13:29 AM PST by reaganaut1
The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
...
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
My gosh, you don’t even know about the mental differences between men and women?What mental differences would they be?
you wrote:
“What mental differences would they be?”
Like I said, you don’t know the difference between men and women. Figures.
If someone thinks less of you because you're not having casual sex, than their opinion should hold no weight in the first place.
More important than your principles? This may surprise you, but principles don't change because of "society's consensus", government regulations, or anything else.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
My parents were so naive about college. I went to Texas A&M in the 80s. Now, there wasn’t a drug problem at A&M like there was at my high school, but it was still wild.
My parents thought I would be okay living in an all girls dorm.
It was legal to drink at 18, and the girls all drank a lot. Boys were not allowed in the dorms after a certain hour, so the girls would just sneak them into the rooms to spend the night. They would have sex in the room while the roommates were there (Thank God that never happened to me). Many girls had abortions.
I was totally unprepared for this lifestyle. My kids will not be unprepared. I will talk (and have talked) to them openly about the temptations and problems at school.
I have a friend who isn’t quite a virgin. He had sex with 1 girl only a few times about 20 years ago.
He’s an electrical engineer who is quite shy around women. However, he is a great guy. He is active in many different groups. He goes on lots of adventures (sky diving, scuba diving, skiing, hiking). He’s been to many places around the world.
He is very close to his family, and he does things with my family. My kids really love him.
He is also famous for putting up a huge, elaborate haunted house at his home every Halloween. He has hundreds of visitors to see his creations.
My husband sometimes gets a little jealous of him because he does so many things, and we are stuck at home doing homework with our kids.
Anyway, I don’t see his life as pathetic.
I also know of many missionaries that are celebate. They have done great things with their lives. Look also at nuns and priests that give up sex. I wouldn’t say their lives are pathetic either.
Girls get pregnant; boys don’t.
Also, STDs in girls can cause sterility more often then boys.
Plus, girls can get cervical cancer.
Do I need to go on??
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