Im mainly trying to think what will fill her hand with low recoil
The Springfield XD line is pretty low recoil on a per caliber basis, so are some of the Glocks.
Most importantly, you can operate either type without the use of thumbs. I have an XD45 Service (in .45 ACP), but the XD9 (in 9mm) is identical except for the size and much lower recoil. I just filmed a video of how to do the normal operations on the gun without the use of thumbs. There is one thing in the video that is WRONG, though - I didn’t have enough room between the camera on its stand and the gun to be able to properly slingshot the slide and instead rode the slide forward with my hand. DO NOT DO THIS.
Here is the video URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sn27yj-oXAk