Fringe Presidential Candidates--Change We're All Afraid Of

The presidential election is winding down to its final days, when the candidates must set their sights on those still-undecided voters who seem to possess an almost preternatural indecisiveness: basically, people that should probably have no say in the American political system anyway.

Maybe that's a little harsh. Perhaps it's just that these still-swinging voters are looking for leadership that's, shall we say, more unique than Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain seem able to provide. Fortunately, as Americans, we have a choice!

So, as a service to undecideds and amusement for the rest of us, we have collected information on some folks who are hoping to make an outside run at the White House. These fringe candidates may not be appearing on your ballot come Nov. 4, but they deserve to be recognized for injecting politics as usual with new blood, and in some cases, a whole lot of crazy.

Jackson Kirk Grimes (Fascist) Jack Grimes is running on a totalitarian platform that promotes the philosophies of Mussolini and Saddam Hussein. We were unable to find an image of him where he is not clad in a Roman centurion helmet.

Jeez, I thought Obama was crazy. This guy is worse!!

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey (Independent) The New Jersey resident lists "Commanding General, The 1st Vampyre" as his necessary experience, and gives both satanist and pagan as his religious affiliations -- a conflict, as one is monotheistic and the other polytheistic. Otherwise, he's perfectly electable.

What can I say??

Sparrow (Independent) New York-based poet Sparrow has run in the last four elections. His 2008 campaign makes this plea, "We certainly don't want him to run anything but we need him now," which is not the most reassuring campaign slogan.

President Sparrow?? That's for the Birds!!

Gene Amondson (Prohibition Party) When Gene Admondson is not attempting to get the country on the wagon, he is a woodcarver, pastor, piemaker, and widower who's gone on "Oprah" to find a mate. He can clearly multitask.

Sorry....I won't drink it your candidacy!!!!

Claire "America, Peach" Cruise (Independent) As of press time, it was unclear if the founder of the group known as the Department of Empowerment was still in the race. Cruise's MySpace page was originally used to promote her candidacy, but it has since become a repository for dog pictures.

No comment...

Charles O. Baldwin (Independent) A Baptist pastor and conservative radio show host, Baldwin believes the Iraq war was unnecessary, and the South was in the right in the Civil War. He also loves to hunt and freshwater fish, when he's not plotting to resurrect Dixie.

Normal one of the bunch!! :-)

Brian Moore (Socialist) Moore (right) is pictured here with running mate Stewart Alexander. They are open socialists, leaving them somewhat vulnerable to the attacks of the McCain-Palin campaign.

Running to the RIGHT of Obama... :-)

Comments??

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