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if both your pay has gone up then it should even out unless one of you passes a benchmark level and the other doesn’t

all this is a lot easier when there is no acrimony or if the husband has plenty of money relatively speaking

there was plenty of acrimony from her and my husband in law even though she left me but I was fortunate to be a good earner and to have a rich dad...I’m being candid...that helped, both he and my mom are gone now but they were good as gold in this strife, it sure made all the difference.

Her old moneybags woulda killed me metaphorically. He hired this complete wanker Miami lawyer...SB initials, who was nasty as hell for no good reason. I just wanted customary settlement over the kids.

My ex wife did me a favor leaving me but it harmed the girls..bad. I don’t know that children ever get over it. Self esteem, narcissism or lack of confidence. It’s tough stuff.

Had it been up to me and things were at least civil, I would stay for the kids...if it were uncivil then you have no choice.

It’s all about doing what’s best for the children...how it turns out for the parent, even if they hate you is beside the point.

Nowadays, I have a great wife of nearly 11 years and three more children...all boys which is another topic..lol

My ex wife lives in a plain little apartment in upstate NY, growing old, not much money and drinking too much and being a slut. And it gives me no pleasure to see her like that. It disturbs our daughters and worse yet the lad she had with my ex husband in law....he got custody of the boy, it’s that bad.

/sad tale

Divorce is sad. I agree that my ex did me a favor by leaving, too, because I stayed through a lot of BS trying to make it work. It is tough on the kids,though. (I, too, am remarried with more children.) He left for another, and we, too, had the acrimony coming from THEM. They would call and scream at me over stupid things, and then his lawyer hated his own ex-wife so he actually would ask for things my ex wasn't even asking for just to stick it to me. We are settled down to a reasonable level of neutrality, but he is only very minimally involved with the kids. (And that's not for me not trying to involve him.) Every once in awhile he does come through, and he is at least more involved than his own father had been.

if both your pay has gone up then it should even out unless one of you passes a benchmark level and the other doesn’t

It's arbitrary because we are beyond the tables, and you never know what kind-of judge you are going to get. Also, when we were divorcing, he cut his work hours in half and then worked an under-the-table job to supplement his personal income. They wouldn't look at his past income and only looked at his last couple month's paychecks. (I initially had a great lawyer, and he had a surgery that went bad and medically retired right after my first hearing, leaving me with a weak replacement.) I wouldn't put that past him again. I figure it's not worth the effort. It's easier for me to work overtime, and his support just supplements our grocery money.