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I went ahead and just kept paying after eldest moved in with me and after she turned 18...full rate...my lawyer said that would be cheaper than going back to court.

I hear that. My rate was supposed to go up when my oldest turned 12 (I don't get a big amount, and I don't ever ask for anything extra from my ex, even things I should get based on the decree.) In Washington, you can petition for a change by yourself, but if the other party lawyers up, then you are in trouble. I offered to fill out the paperwork with my ex to get to a fair amount, and he told me to take him to court. Since my pay has gone up (his has, too), I am scared to death if I go to court without a lawyer, he will manage to get his lowered. It's cheaper just to go without the small boost than to get a lawyer.

Your child support agency won't help you with a modification? Ours reviews every case automatically every three years, sooner if the custodial parent brings them something showing that the noncustodial parent's income has gone up substantially. It costs the custodial parents nothing. I think they pay a percentage of what is collected, up to $18 a month or something like that. Court actions like modifications, paternity suits or contempt proceedings cost nothing extra. The noncustodial parents are the ones who rarely show up with lawyers, if they show up. Few can afford lawyers, so if anyone gets screwed, it's usually going to be the noncustodial parent, almost always the father.

if both your pay has gone up then it should even out unless one of you passes a benchmark level and the other doesn’t

all this is a lot easier when there is no acrimony or if the husband has plenty of money relatively speaking

there was plenty of acrimony from her and my husband in law even though she left me but I was fortunate to be a good earner and to have a rich dad...I’m being candid...that helped, both he and my mom are gone now but they were good as gold in this strife, it sure made all the difference.

Her old moneybags woulda killed me metaphorically. He hired this complete wanker Miami lawyer...SB initials, who was nasty as hell for no good reason. I just wanted customary settlement over the kids.

My ex wife did me a favor leaving me but it harmed the girls..bad. I don’t know that children ever get over it. Self esteem, narcissism or lack of confidence. It’s tough stuff.

Had it been up to me and things were at least civil, I would stay for the kids...if it were uncivil then you have no choice.

It’s all about doing what’s best for the children...how it turns out for the parent, even if they hate you is beside the point.

Nowadays, I have a great wife of nearly 11 years and three more children...all boys which is another topic..lol

My ex wife lives in a plain little apartment in upstate NY, growing old, not much money and drinking too much and being a slut. And it gives me no pleasure to see her like that. It disturbs our daughters and worse yet the lad she had with my ex husband in law....he got custody of the boy, it’s that bad.

/sad tale