Wow, that’s quite a distorted view, but I think you’re just covering for something else.
Most anti-theists have some deep seated reason for being that way but cover it up with some strange, often “reason based”, excuse for rejecting theological truths that would be available to an open mind.
If you’re honest, do a “thought experiment” like Einstein, and ask yourself what you’d have to give up in your life if you chose to follow Christ. Then you’ll understand your own resistance more.
Sound advice