I think there are a lot of people who are unaware that there is any other, legitimate way to go.
I recently spent time with a 17 year old neice. She tossed out a comment about a discussion she'd had with her friends about suicide. My 62 year old father was shocked and dismayed. I reminded him that when he was a teen he was allowed to be useful. He earned his own money, his older sibs had been truly useful to the family by cooking, cleaning and looking after younger ones while the parents worked. Sometimes they worked alongside the parents. My father knew that at 18, he would truly be an independent adult.
Our kids are allowed to do very little that is truly meaningful. We give them "chores" that don't really matter. Many are not allowed to work. They face years and years of being told, "Do this now and eventually it will be of some use to you." Yet, much of the actual material isn't what is important. We want to teach them to think, and to have discipline. They know that the major themes of Heart of Darkness don't matter a whit in the universe, unless they plan to be English teachers, so who cares?
The lucky kids find meaning in belonging to a team or playing a sport or instrument well. Some find meaning in art or are really motivated to perform well in school to meet higher education goals. But there are a whole lot of kids who aren't particularly athletic, musical, artistic or educationally motivated. Those kids are in BIG trouble.
You are so right. When kids are not pushed to be something beyond their sphere and to respect worldly authorities, and have ample idle time on their hands, trouble has a chance to follow.
My friends told me I was cruel (yep, direct quote) when I MADE both of mine start working at 14 (Dominoes, answering phones) because they were too young, or might be exposed to bad elements. Well, maybe, but I wanted them to learn very young the value of a dollar, the dignity of hard work, and how to put aside your own immediate needs for someone who doesn't really care about "you" and "your" needs, but the needs of the company.
You are right - kids need to feel useful and either infantalizing or worshiping teens does nothing to help them, only hurt.
That's the crux of the issue right there. I didn't see your post before I posted #26, but that one line says it all.
My 14 year old son gripes a bit about mowing, taking out the garbage, furring out a wall for me, moving rocks, etc. But when I have a lot of work for him, I see a change in his general behavior. He has pride. He carries himself differently and is a calmer, happier young man. He is really frustrated by having to wait to get a "real" job and spends time nagging the neighbors for work. My daughter is also frustrated and has become a full-time volunteer for our FRG to burn off energy and give herself a purpose. She'll start working full-time next summer.
It's a basic human need to feel necessary and useful in this world and when we don't have that, life has no purpose.
I wish.
I was never allowed to work when I was in HS, except of course for all of the cleaning and most of the cooking, even when my mother didn't work. Once she did go back to work I was also expected to run her ceramic classes when she didn't feel like doing it and cover for her at her job at a ceramic wholesaler when she decided to go visit her parents in Florida. She still got the paycheck.
My 30th class reunion is in September --- and I didn't attend public school (neither did my mother)