It would have helped to speak to someone about it?
Somebody like yourself to assure you that it was just fine to get rid of the 'fetuses' & never have to think about them again?
There will be a day of judgement where you will have that chance to speak.
You don't lie awake thinking about all that stuff??
The very fact that you feel the need to write about it now - after all that time has passed makes me believe that in your soul - you know that these children you carried next to your heart & killed...will never let you get it out of your mind.