Posted on 04/10/2008 6:52:17 PM PDT by dighton
[ed. note - found in a dumpster behind a West Hollywood antique shop: first draft of wine critic / Mr. Blackwell wannabe Matthew DeBord’s gripping op-ed for the Los Angeles Times. h/t: Uncle Jimbo at BlackFive]
by Matthew DeBord
Gen. David H. Petraeus may be as fabulous a military professional as the United States has developed in recent years, but let’s face it, girlfriend - when it comes to the Fashion Theater, this showy soldier needs to call in the Makeover Marines. Oh snap!
Witness his congressional testimony on the state of the war in Iraq. There he sits in gaudy Army regalia, four stars glistening and glittering on each shoulder, nine camp rows of chintzy ribbons on his left breast, and various other brooches, patches and appliques scattered across the rest of the available real estate on his uniform. Talk about ‘fruit salad!’ Hel-loooo, General Garanimals: the 1950s called and they want their uniform back! To top it all off, the DC paparazzi photos show our dowdy doughboy sporting a name tag, a lone and incongruous hunk of cheap plastic in a region of pristine gilt. Looks like this ostentatious officer was playing hooky during West Point’s Accessorizing 101!
That’s a lot of martial bling, especially for an officer who hadn’t seen combat until five years ago. Girlfriend, I’ve seen more violent hand-to-hand action during a Jimmy Choo clearance sale on Rodeo Drive. Unfortunately, brazen preening and “ribbon creep” among the Army’s modern-day upper crust have trumped the time-honored military virtues of humility, duty, and fab personal style. Fashion Medic!
Iowahawk should feel nothing but shame for this article.
Queer Eye for the Army Guy.
Iowahawk is smacking “Mr. Blackwell wannabe Matthew DeBord,” not General Petraeus.
Heh.
Hawk, what do you expect from a paper where one of the sportswriters is a real live male-to-female transsexual? (Christine Daniels, born Mike Penner.)
Uncle Jimbo does a nice job. As usual.
Thanks so much for posting this.
I had a dream one night, it was David Burge, Mark Steyn, Dave Barry, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham and me, all having steaks on the grill and a kegger party, all I did was serve food and drink, and soak up the joy...
The Army should feel nothing but shame for undermining Fallon as head of CENTCOM and pushing Patraeus. They couldn’t stand the idea of having to report to a Navy guy.
Patraeus has no record that can even begin to compare to Fallon’s record. He now shows up to testify with all his non-combat ribbons.
He done good.
That's by no means a unanimous opinion around here.
REAL good.
Oh, lighten up Francis.
I bet the Genrul would get a few giggles out of this himself.
He’s big enough to take a bit of ribbing.
How many Americans these days even know how to spell jodhpurs? I know I didn’t.
I’m no fan of transsexualism, but if I were the paper’s editor I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell what plumbing my reporter preferred as long as “Christine” was as good a sportswriter as “Mike” was. Good writers are too hard to find to quibble over a chop-and-channel job.
LOL! Iowamark must be some kind of a comic genius.
After reading Iowamark's very funny satire, I then read the original story Petraeus' 'ribbon creep' and realized that Iowamark's adaptation precisely mimicked the writing style of the LA Times twerp.
Iowamark added some very funny embellishments which still fit neatly within the LA Times twerp's writing style.
"Snap!"
ROFL!
Most excellent!
What’s funny is how the version printed in the LA Times is presently bedecked in a Macy’s click-thru ad: a banner across the top of the page like a jaunty, not-quite-hotpink hatband advertising a special deal on a known brand of makeup products.
That shade of pink says, “We’re here, we’re queer, but we’re trying to set a good example of stopping short of flamboyance.” The “topper” ad (an inside joke for you straight folks, please forgive the giggles from “the girls”) is tastefully accessorised with a matching beauty pageant’s sash draped across the left breast. Er, the right side of the webpage. Notice how the sash repeats the hatband pattern but is smaller so as to not overwhelm the topper. Oh snap!
Holy crap, I’m a girl and even I am typing in a lisp now!
DeBord was taken to the mat and pinned on this one!
(Oops, pinned was a poor choice of words.)
DeBord was taken to the mat and held down!
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