There are two jihads in Islam: in english, the Big (or Greater) jihad and the Little (or Lesser) jihad. The most important, the big jihad, is the personal, internal struggle and has nothing to do with converting others and/or violence.
The lesser important, the little jihad, which is the one you are referring to, is to go out and ‘evangelize’ (preach their beliefs) and convert others to Islam. It does not require each muslim to go out and kill non-muslims if they don’t convert, though that is what the extremists/fundamentalists try to preach.
The term jihadist, (as used by Dr. Jasser and others) refers to a person who wages violent war as you describe, and is not something that the vast majority of muslims in the world practice.
There are 2 basic muslims : the ones who can read the Koran and pick & choose from the Koran forming their beliefs and live their lives (for good or bad) on those choices, (just as people pick & choose from the Bible), and the ones who can’t read the Koran at all - which is the majority of muslims in the world - and rely on others to teach them what the Koran says (and fortunately most are taught benign messages)
A person who belives in the Five Pillars of Islam, is considered a muslim; whether muslim fundamentalists (or others) consider them muslims or apostates, is irrelevant.
bullsh!t. This is PC/apologist mythology.
Read The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam.
And remember, it is OK to lie to the infidel about Islam in order to advance Islam.