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Well, you know, I wuz just saying to LaVerne - LaVerne, I wuz saying (that's not her name) where in the heck did you put the can opener? The dog's hungry and we're out of the dry stuff and I'm durned if I'm gonna drive into town and pick up another 50-lb bag, especially since the feed store is closed by now and I'd have to buy it at the Piggly Wiggly and you know they have those displays by the register with the silver mud flaps with the nekkid ladies on them that I've been saving up for but no, I gotta buy the dang dog food. Is that the basis for a sound relationship? Well, other than with the dog, I mean?

Anyway, the whole thing started when she decided to reorganize the kitchen drawers. I was fine with the cans being alphabetized - you know, with the Borax next to the Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup - either way, it's a "C," right? But no, she was all into this New Age aromatherapy stuff and wanted to put the tuna north of the sink because of the Feng Shui. What the heck is Feng Shui, anyhows? And what the heck does it have to do with dog food? I dunno. Sometimes this whole New Age stuff gives me a pain in the bunions. Are there bunions on yer butt? Maybe I oughta see the Doc about this. What do you think?