“And, I personally think it’s a very fair analogy. In abusive relationships the abuser uses the self-doubt, and self-blame of the abused to further control them. It’s outright manipulation.”
You say it’s a fair analogy, but come up the logic that says, “Okay, I’m going to start beating her.” You can’t do it.
On the other hands, “my wife refuses to sexually fulfil me. I have tried being romantic. I’ve tried to go to counseling. Nothing has worked, so I will cheat” is logical. It is an affront to the concept of marriage. It’s self-destructive behavior. It does not at all take into account the feelings of the one who is supposed to mean the most to you in the world. But then you can go back and say the same things about not meeting the physical needs of your spouse...
Yes, cheating a character flaw. It is not generally, however, a character pathology, which beating any other human is.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that cheating isn’t a pathology... MANY people who cheat are “repeat offenders”. It’s often not a one-time thing.
I’m not understanding what you mean by coming up with the logic of “I’m going to start beating her”. If you talk to an abuser they will say some of the same things — she pissed me off, she didn’t clean the floor, she didn’t have dinner on the table for me, I wanted sex, and she didn’t want to give it to me. That is THEIR reasoning for why beating their wives is alright — that they were pushed to doing it.
Some (most?) cheaters are the same way — it’s not MY fault — she drove me to cheat, she got fat, she cut her hair, she didn’t have dinner on the table when I came home, she didn’t want to have sex because she was too tired (from staying up with a newborn ALL NIGHT for nights in a row), etc... etc...
It’s human nature for people to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and how they affect other people. It’s something that needs to be taught to children - to recognize that no matter what, they alone are responsible for how they choose to respond to a situation, even if they are not the ones responsible for being in the situation in the first place.
It’s no different in any type of abuse situation (whether physical, or emotionally as in the case of a cheating spouse). No matter what situation one my find themselves in how they respond to it is definitely THEIR responsibility and theirs alone. There are no excuses for cheating OR beating.