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No excuse for violence against women
the daily gleaner ^ | February 22nd, 2008 | Wilfred Langmaid

Posted on 02/23/2008 7:54:50 PM PST by buccaneer81

No excuse for violence against women

Wilfred Langmaid DAYS BETWEEN Published Friday February 22nd, 2008 Appeared on page C10

You deserve so much more than this.

So don't tell me why he's never been good to you.

Don't tell me why he's never been there for you.

And I'll tell you that why is simply not good enough.

- Good Enough by Sarah McLachlan

In the early 1990s, very shortly after my ordination as a priest, I attended a seminar with a group of Anglican clergy. That day, I was told more than one in 8 women was a victim of abuse.

As such, I could make that very assumption as I looked out at my Sunday morning congregation whilst standing in the pulpit.

I was shocked -- and hard-pressed to believe that.

Five years ago, I interviewed Rev. Joanne Barr for an article. Barr, who recently retired as a United Church minister and part-time minister at UNB, was speaking about her work on a course on behaviour and abuse.

She said, "One-third of the women who sit in the pews on Sunday mornings are victims of abuse."

Nearly 20 years after my ordination and having been exposed to all manner of evidence of our fallen creation, I accept Barr's statistics.

Accept? Actually, that is the wrong word.

I concede this sad fact is all too true.

In fact, it is this fact that troubles me more than any other as I reflect on this week's Silent Witness project which this year is for Shaila Bari.

Bari, a UNB student, was killed in July 2003. Her estranged husband is serving a life sentence after being convicted of her first-degree murder.

On Wednesday, the New Brunswick Silent Witness Project with the University Women's Centre, the Multicultural Association of Fredericton and Global Union held a Silhouette Dedication ceremony in Bari's honour.

I never knew Bari, but I know many colleagues and students who were touched by her during her far-too-short life.

I also know I am a member of a privileged lot. How would I say that I am privileged? Well, I am educated, white, Anglo-Saxon in descent and gainfully employed.

And I am male.

Through no particular merit of my own -- in fact, simply because my father contributed a Y chromosome to the genetic mix that led to my birth -- I am part of the privileged gender.

However, I keep being haunted by that one in three statistic. It reminds me of the pained expressions and flimsy excuses I used to see and hear when a female parishioner would appear with obvious bruises or heavy makeup.

It reminds me of boorish, sexist comments I have heard from members of my

gender.

It reminds me of less enlightened times in my own life when I lacked the courage to speak up.

It also reminds me of a horrific discussion I had with a female parishioner when I worked in congregational ministry. She came to me sheepishly even though her husband had been verbally, physically and sexually abusive to her for some

time.

Her reluctance to speak up stemmed from her experience the first time she spoke up to a clergy member. Then, she was told her calling was to be a good wife and be faithful to her husband.

It is our collective responsibility as a civilized society to promote gender equality. Violence against women is wrong on every level.

Pretending it is not an issue or dismissing it as a private matter is immoral.

There is no excuse for the behaviour. There is no excuse for us buying our heads in the sand. We are all part of the problem.

Shaila Bari, at the very least, deserves that attitude adjustment on our

part.

She serves as a silent witness to a clear wrong.

Wilfred Langmaid is the student advocate with Student Affairs and Services at UNB and a lecturer in biology at UNB and STU. He regularly writes on popular music and religion for The Daily Gleaner.


TOPICS: Canada; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: girlyman; liar; puss; wimp
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This guy is the ultimate she-male. What a ... Wuss.

He's beholden to false stats and propaganda. This is why we have the stupid laws that we have.

1 posted on 02/23/2008 7:54:51 PM PST by buccaneer81
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To: buccaneer81

do you still beat your wife?


2 posted on 02/23/2008 7:56:18 PM PST by the invisib1e hand (the model prescribes the required behavior. disincentives ensure compliance.)
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To: buccaneer81

You don’t need no stinking excuses when you have plenty of Valid Reasons! ;o)


3 posted on 02/23/2008 7:57:59 PM PST by The_Republican (You know why Chelsea Clinton is so Ugly? Because Janet Reno is her Father! LOL! - Mac is Back!)
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To: the invisib1e hand
do you still beat your wife?

I'm hoping you forgot your sarcasm tag.

4 posted on 02/23/2008 7:58:49 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: the invisib1e hand

If anyone attacks me or my wife, I don’t care what gender they are, I will defend myself or my family.


5 posted on 02/23/2008 7:59:02 PM PST by Secret Agent Man
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To: buccaneer81

This guy is courageous. I was part of a United Methodist Women that brought the issue up publicly in our local church. You have been appalled at the number of elderly ladies who came up to me and discreetly said things like “People need too know about this.”

Churches have long been part of the problem with the submit to the husband tired old line. I inform them all that means is first, find a man who submits to God, then find a way to get along with him.


6 posted on 02/23/2008 7:59:58 PM PST by yldstrk (My heros have always been cowboys--Reagan and Bush)
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To: yldstrk

I disagree

If he was really brave, he’d have reported BOTH sides of the DV situation.

Check this http://www.batteredmen.com/

No one deserves to be abused.... not even men.


7 posted on 02/23/2008 8:02:43 PM PST by Keith Brown (Among the other evils being unarmed brings you, it causes you to be despised Machiavelli.)
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To: yldstrk
This guy is courageous.

While I know that many men are scumbags, so are many women. Ever hear of false accusations during divorce or child custody hearings? Happens all the time. And when proven false, women never pay the price.

I speak from experience.

8 posted on 02/23/2008 8:02:48 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: buccaneer81

Weel, ol’ Wilfred better get used to seeing more of this from the Religion of Peace:

“Shaila Bari had come to Canada as part of an arranged marriage. She and her husband, Abdul Bari, were still married, but separated at the time of her death.”

“originally from Bangladesh”

http://www.yssr.nb.ca/sar_in_news/sar_news_articles/Police%20close%20to%20arrest/A%20printer%20friendly%20article%20from%20canadaeast%20interactive.htm


9 posted on 02/23/2008 8:03:15 PM PST by LibFreeOrDie
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To: Keith Brown

Great post.


10 posted on 02/23/2008 8:03:31 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: LibFreeOrDie
Ol' Wilfred will never subject any male other than white native born types to such scrutiny.

The new progressive "religion", doncha know?

11 posted on 02/23/2008 8:06:03 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: buccaneer81

Thanks!


12 posted on 02/23/2008 8:06:18 PM PST by Keith Brown (Among the other evils being unarmed brings you, it causes you to be despised Machiavelli.)
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To: buccaneer81
The good Reverend is trying to be part of the solution to a very old, very real problem. Leading from the pulpit, letting those in his flock know that violence in the home is unacceptable is valid.

Just anecdotally, I know of several older women, who in unguarded moments, will emphatically state (regarding their widowhood) that they would never go back and re-marry.

13 posted on 02/23/2008 8:07:05 PM PST by PennsylvaniaMom (Michelle Obama: this seasons Teresa Heinz.)
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To: buccaneer81

You are right there too, drugs dishonesty, greedy for money,
I see it all in my work. None of it explains or justifies domestice violence, child abuse, drunken behavior or animal abuse, failing to make your child support payments, failing to visit your children or remember thir birthdays, and so on and so forth adnauseum.


14 posted on 02/23/2008 8:08:22 PM PST by yldstrk (My heros have always been cowboys--Reagan and Bush)
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To: yldstrk
You're a lawyer. That explains your position. How much money have you made by trashing guys like me?

You are part of the problem with America. Real conservatives will put you out of business someday.

15 posted on 02/23/2008 8:08:53 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: buccaneer81

There’s also no excuse for violence against men, which is 10-15 times more common.


16 posted on 02/23/2008 8:10:30 PM PST by Jim Noble (I've got a home in Glory Land that outshines the sun)
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To: PennsylvaniaMom
The good Reverend is trying to be part of the solution to a very old, very real problem. Leading from the pulpit, letting those in his flock know that violence in the home is unacceptable is valid.

Chastising only men. He's a tool.

17 posted on 02/23/2008 8:11:18 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: Jim Noble

Great post, Jim. You get it, unlike most.


18 posted on 02/23/2008 8:12:06 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: buccaneer81
Through no particular merit of my own -- in fact, simply because my father contributed a Y chromosome to the genetic mix that led to my birth -- I am part of the privileged gender.

Yup, you are a member of the gender that does the fighting and the dying, that loses custody of the children in divorce, and that has the shorter average lifespan.

If this is your idea of privilege, I'm not gonna argue with ya.

19 posted on 02/23/2008 8:12:12 PM PST by freespirited (All great truths begin as blasphemies. -- George Bernard Shaw)
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To: freespirited
Yup, you are a member of the gender that does the fighting and the dying, that loses custody of the children in divorce, and that has the shorter average lifespan.

Ding, ding, ding!! We have a winner!

Awesome post!

20 posted on 02/23/2008 8:14:13 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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