Slightly different situation. Of course I could never advocate holding on to an expensive item when your family has unmet basic financial needs.
The assumption was that I wanted him to let go of his Harley so I could have something *I* wanted.
Not really; the assumption - based, I think with some validity, on the tone of your post - was that you didn't understand or appreciate the value of that object to your husband, and expected him to give up his motorcycle so your family could take a nice trip to Disneyland or fund piano lessons for littly Johnny, because now that he's a responsible family man he should buck up and stop doing the stuff he enjoys.
Women don't really get the value of machinery to (some) men, just like men don't get women and shoes, purses, flowers or romance novels. For some guys, that motorcycyle/fast car/boat is the only thing left in their life that gives back far more than it demands, and never fails to put a smile on their face when they shift into 3rd, or get that chrome gleaming *just so*. Other guys nod and think, *cool* in a way that they just don't when you're packed into the minivan on the way to the soccer game.
And that's worth something, just that little bit of joy in a life otherwise packed to the roofbeams with responsibility and obligation.
The only explanation I can think of for the visceral reaction of the good gentlemen here at FR to my post is that they're used to demanding females who force them to sacrifice everything *for* them and never give anything back.
I'd say that's unfair, it was likely a reaction to the *honey this is the way its gonna be* tone of your post and a lack of appreciation for the gravity of your financial situation.
motorcycyle=motorcycle
eegad.
And that's exactly what I meant. Guys are used to women who put them last in all things. Sometimes this is truly based in fact, sometimes it's only a perception.
Women don't really get the value of machinery to (some) men, just like men don't get women and shoes, purses, flowers or romance novels. For some guys, that motorcycyle/fast car/boat is the only thing left in their life that gives back far more than it demands, and never fails to put a smile on their face when they shift into 3rd, or get that chrome gleaming *just so*. Other guys nod and think, *cool* in a way that they just don't when you're packed into the minivan on the way to the soccer game.
I get it. I really, really do. I know how I feel when I'm dressed smart with a cute, fresh haircut. It feel good. Validating.
But the reality is that we should be getting validation from our selves, not our *stuff*. We should be getting pride from how we feel when we look in the mirror. From knowing that we're solid, good, honorable people, worthy of respect. Not from a motor or from the quality of our shelter or from the crap we wear on our backs.
We only get over our obsession with stuff when one of two things happen: A person develops true self esteem and they don't need things to feel validated. (*True* self-esteem only develops when we're challenged and when we triumph. Then you *know* who you are and you like it.) OR a person looses something precious, gets a reality check and finally understands what's really important. Ask any parent who's lost a child how important a cool car is to them.
I seem to recall Dr. Laura several years ago saying she loved riding a motorcycle, but she had given it up while she had a minor child because it was too risky. I think she said that once her son reached a certain age, she was going to take it up again.