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I understand that you got my later post and revised your opinion, but I have to ask you this: What if the kid wasn't sick? What if this $32,000 luxury item was simply too much for the family to support? What if the family was already reduced to beans and rice and terrible debt?

You have no idea the reactions I've had from men to my post, incensed that I told my husband that we couldn't *afford* the bike.

Not that I didn't *like* it.

Not that I wanted to get something else.

The words "we can't afford it" weren't enough for them. The assumption was that I wanted him to let go of his Harley so I could have something *I* wanted.

Even if we didn't have a sick kid, the fact that a luxury item breaks the budget should be enough. I've seen men bankrupt their families for trucks, boats and bikes over and over again and every time it puzzles the crap out of me. When they get that "gleam in their eye" for something with a motor, it's all over. The suffering (first by the wife, then the kids... *finally* by the man) is incredible.

Don't get me wrong. Women have stereotypical stupid tricks as well. (They tend to make a thousand *small* stupid financial decisions to the guy's very big *one* stupid financial decision, but it usually balances out in the amounts. My favorite is the "Sale Shopper". She justifies buying things the family doesn't need by saying, "But it was on sale! What a great bargain!" The fact that she'd save even *more* money by buying *nothing* never occurs to her! Another justifies everything by saying that "it's for the house" or "it's for the kids" when it's obvious that the house and kids would survive just fine without it. Yes, the kids can walk in a $20 pair of shoes just as well as they can walk in a $75 pair of shoes... or better yet, go to the thrift store and spend $3! And *no* child needs more than 3 pair of shoes... ever.)

It took a long time for my husband to see that he was hurting his family by something that gave him so much fun. And now he's p*ssed at *himself* for taking so long to wake up. In my book, *he* is a real man for sacrificing for those he loves.

The only explanation I can think of for the visceral reaction of the good gentlemen here at FR to my post is that they're used to demanding females who force them to sacrifice everything *for* them and never give anything back.

But if you have a woman who has her 14 year old son cut her hair, who *never* goes out for fast food, who owns four pair of shoes, mends clothes and frequently sits *you* down with the family budget to get your opinion on where she could further cut the budget... and if she finally says, "your toy has got to go"... I don't give a *crap* of you have a sick kid or just a credit card that you're trying to kill, you sell the stupid *toy*! (You have no idea how many guys won't do it. Even when their families are living on rice and eggs, *they'll* still insist on a stupid steak. It's because they work so hard, you know?)

Not all women are selfish. Guys need to get that. Sometimes you *boys* have to grow up as well.

What if the family was already reduced to beans and rice and terrible debt?

Slightly different situation. Of course I could never advocate holding on to an expensive item when your family has unmet basic financial needs.

The assumption was that I wanted him to let go of his Harley so I could have something *I* wanted.

Not really; the assumption - based, I think with some validity, on the tone of your post - was that you didn't understand or appreciate the value of that object to your husband, and expected him to give up his motorcycle so your family could take a nice trip to Disneyland or fund piano lessons for littly Johnny, because now that he's a responsible family man he should buck up and stop doing the stuff he enjoys.

Women don't really get the value of machinery to (some) men, just like men don't get women and shoes, purses, flowers or romance novels. For some guys, that motorcycyle/fast car/boat is the only thing left in their life that gives back far more than it demands, and never fails to put a smile on their face when they shift into 3rd, or get that chrome gleaming *just so*. Other guys nod and think, *cool* in a way that they just don't when you're packed into the minivan on the way to the soccer game.

And that's worth something, just that little bit of joy in a life otherwise packed to the roofbeams with responsibility and obligation.

I'd say that's unfair, it was likely a reaction to the *honey this is the way its gonna be* tone of your post and a lack of appreciation for the gravity of your financial situation.