Posted on 01/07/2008 6:58:30 AM PST by shrinkermd
My grandmother recently, and reluctantly, asked if I could give her some money.
There's no question my wife, Amy, and I will give her the funds; she raised me and is, by and large, the woman I consider my mom. She has always been kind to Amy. If we have the discretionary cash that can make my grandmother's life happy, shouldn't we hand it over?
Yet the request has caused us a lot of angst.
Part of our concern is where this will lead. Although my grandmother isn't asking for a lot of money -- just a few hundred dollars -- when you open your wallet to family members, the first time is rarely the last. We don't want to get in the position of becoming my grandmother's ATM.
But it's more than that. Amy and I have worked hard to earn this money, and it's frustrating to have somebody want to tap into our account. What's more, my grandmother will no doubt use the money for things that we'd never buy ourselves. We don't want to feel like suckers for funding a lifestyle that we might consider indulgent.
So that leads us to the question we've been grappling with: When providing financial assistance to a family member, is it fair to say the money comes with constraints on how it is spent? Or, is financial assistance an exercise in unconditional love?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
This guy is an idiot.
He said his grandmother asked reluctantly. If that’s the case, that opens up an opportunity for the guy to work with his grandma to see where the money goes and where it comes to make sure she doesn’t get in a bind again. It doesn’t mean he says “this yes, this no” on her stuff, it may be a real help to her to have someone document her cash flow with her. My Dad has an accountant for this reason. If he casts it as offering free accountancy services, this may be a real win for both parties! And they’ll spend more time together, have some tea while they put all the papers in order, etc.
If this grade A moron can get a column, maybe I should go for one too! I certainly have more sense than him!
I know a mom who did the same thing but she told her son “I’m not paying for you to kill yourself with food”. His mom was a health nut. When he complained to me, I told him to get a real job and get off the tit. Then he can eat anywhere he wanted. That didn’t go over very well.
Surely his grandma is no longer living and this is a fictitious story!
He goes on to talk about a friend who is giving money to siblings. No way in HECK would I continually fund a sibling’s bad spending habits.
My sister is learning this with her grown daughter who insists that her parents continue supporting her LUXURIOUS lifestyle even after she marries in a few months.
“My sister is learning this with her grown daughter who insists that her parents continue supporting her LUXURIOUS lifestyle even after she marries in a few months.”
My sister is doing this to my parents.
I bowed out of going to her wedding, and didn’t send a gift.
I'm certainly no fan of AARP, but membership is something like $10 a year and it comes with a host of discounts. Assuming that grandma is actually using those discounts (and its something she'd be buying anyway), dropping AARP might be a losing proposition.
Oh, I thought this was some kind of satire - “Grandma” being Congress who raised them (nanny state) and was now asking for more money to support itself and buying stuff it “didn’t need.”
“Let me say it at the outset: I don’t believe children bear an obligation to their parents as a cost of having been raised by those parents. Bringing a child into the world is a parent’s choice, not the child’s. Thus, the obligations that do exist run from parent to child, not in reverse.”
If you believe that Mr. Opdyke, then your grandmother did a horrible job raising you.
More and more elderly folks are becoming gambling addicts.
"Cut out your mother's heart and bring it to me, and then I shall be truly yours!"
That night, the young man sneaked into his mother's room, killed her and like one possessed by the devil, cut out her heart. In the dead of night, he made his way to his beloved with the heart of his mother in his hands. As it was dark, he stumbled upon a stone and fell. His mother's heart dropped out of his hands.
Out of it came his mother's voice, "My dear son! are you hurt?"
Hilarious!!!!! I thought for sure that this was going to be a metaphoric article about the democrats use of taxpayer money.
This is exactly the way my husband and I feel but old "grandma" is the tax collector.
So that leads us to the question we've been grappling with: When providing financial assistance to a family member, is it fair to say the money comes with constraints on how it is spent?
I wonder if he feels as strongly about the "hard earned money" he gives to his Uncle Sam.
May the aptly initialed Jeff Opdyke live long enough to depend completely on the tender mercies of his descendants.
I bet grandma really appreciates her business being on the pages of the WSJ!
What did you think socialist ideology regarding extended family entails? They are all about denying personal responsibility.
No kidding. Gran will be the laughingstock of the brunch and bingo club and guaranteed will never ask him for another dime, especially when she was so reluctant to begin with. But who knows, maybe that was the intent of the article, mortify her so she’ll rather die than ask again. I wonder if the old lady contributed in any way to his education that helped him get a decent job?
Stories like yours are what people who have two good parents do not think of. I didn’t have to give my mom money, but she was emotionally taxing and mentally abusive. Finally we had to cut off contact with her because it was unhealthy for my children to be around.
The AARP is also one of the most liberal, big government, raise taxes (on anyone but seniors) organizations out there. Sorry grandma - it has got to go...
No kidding. Gran will be the laughingstock of the brunch and bingo club and guaranteed will never ask him for another dime, especially when she was so reluctant to begin with. But who knows, maybe that was the intent of the article, mortify her so she’ll rather die than ask again. I wonder if the old lady contributed in any way to his education that helped him get a decent job?
Maybe it is, but how does getting rid of AARP help grandma's finanical situation?
I read Opdyke’s article every Sunday and it’s all about family issues and money. He debates with himself about the cost of soccer lessons, car buying, vacations, second homes, and sharing of household duties. I read because it is a great inside look into X and Y Generation’s pathology. He is also PW’d by his wife AMY.
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