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RE: "Lawyers are scum." Reminds me of a few one-liners, stolen from: http://www.gigaflop.demon.co.uk/humour/lawyer.htm *Why do lawyers wear tight ties?
So their foreskin doesn't creep up and cover their face.
* What's the difference between a dead lawyer on a street and a dead dog on the street?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
*What's black and brown and look great on lawyers?
Dobermans
*What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
*Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between attorneys and their clients?
To prevent the client for being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
*Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under?
'Cuz deep, deep down, they're good people!
*What's the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer? One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
*Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had first pick.
*What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Their lips move.
*How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
*How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off it's head
*What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of [crud]?
The bucket.
*If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
*What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.
Ok, I feel better now. :)