[JustTheTruth]

RE: "Lawyers are scum." Reminds me of a few one-liners, stolen from: http://www.gigaflop.demon.co.uk/humour/lawyer.htm *Why do lawyers wear tight ties?
So their foreskin doesn't creep up and cover their face.
* What's the difference between a dead lawyer on a street and a dead dog on the street?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
*What's black and brown and look great on lawyers?
Dobermans
*What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
*Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between attorneys and their clients?
To prevent the client for being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
*Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under?
'Cuz deep, deep down, they're good people!
*What's the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer? One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
*Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had first pick.
*What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Their lips move.
*How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
*How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off it's head
*What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of [crud]?
The bucket.
*If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
*What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.
Ok, I feel better now. :)

[Old Sarge]

why don’t sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy

[saltshaker]

*How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only two - the rest are true stories.

[kitchen]

Why do doctors like to operate on lawyers?

Because it's so easy! They're spineless, gutless, and both ends are interchangeable.

[Roccus]

It was announced today that all government life-sciences
research facilities will start using lawyers for
experimentation purposes instead of lab rats.

The reasons given were:
1) There are far more lawyers than rats in the USA
2) Researchers don’t form emotional bonds with the lawyers
3) No matter how much you pay them, there are some things that even a rat won’t do.

[Razz Barry]

*What do you call a bus load of lawyers going over a cliff?
A good start.