You are of course substantially correct, but I don’t believe that kids feel any less abandoned if the father’s death was out of his control. Yes, they may not feel so directly responsible or so worthless as many kids who have deadbeat dads do, but they still feel a profound loss. And more importantly, there is still no father in the home to give guidance or a father’s discipline, no matter the cause of the loss.
It's funny. I think it ties into the supernatural reality of marriage. The bond is not ruptured or attacked by death the way it is by abandonment. A widow has moral authority over her children that a divorced woman does not, because her solidarity with her husband has not been repudiated. It is just being administered at a higher level.
I have read recollections by men who had lost their fathers to death, sometimes without ever meeting them. Admonitions from their mothers to the effect of, "Your father would not approve of that" had a powerful influence on their behavior. They described their mothers' invoking of their fathers' authority as having been critical to keeping them in line, even though their mothers were alone, working much of the time, and carrying on with some difficulty. I believe statistics bear these anecdotes out, and show very different effects on children between divorce and involuntary death of a parent.
Yes we do.
Kid's who have a good relationship with their Dads, and then lose them suddenly, turn to their Father though out their lives... "What would Dad want me to do?".
That doesn't happen with non-Dads. Or Dads that didn't get the chance.