And that of my child - left fatherless (by his choice) at age 3, today is a delightful, conservative college student who has a very bright future. Has not effectively had a father in 15 years, has never been in trouble of any kind, and made a 4.0 average this semester, her first, in college.
For a less anecdotal reference - I don’t believe all the children of the WW II soldiers who did not return became druggies, bums, failures, or the like.
Indeed. One reason so many people in prison are the children of single mothers is because their fathers didn’t stick around. Sure the mothers did a bad job but the fathers didn’t do the job at all.
Being abandoned, from the point of view of the abandonee, is not the same as having your father killed in circumstances not in his direct control. Let alone if he has died as a result of altruism or heroism on his part. A kid realizes, deep down, that if his father was killed in action, he died defending his country and his children.
In the first case, the kid has been implicitly told by his father that he's not working sticking around for. To grow up sane, the kid will have to find other sources of self-respect to make up for this devastating blow.