FWIW. I am an attorney with a litigation practice that includes matrimonial law. I can attest to the fact that the system such as it is in New Jersey Courts is noticeably unfair. Besides a general bias in favor of women (and I represent both sides), there are simply abuses of state power that sometimes absolutely shock me to the bone.
Now, for example, there is a noble purpose for having protection from domestic violence. But it is used many times as a sword rather than a shield by women who know, as in the story of Bob from Australia on this thread, that filing a Domestic Violence complaint is the best way to gain an iron grip on control of all the issues: control of the house, control of the kids, control of assets, finances, income. At the same time, the strategic DV puts the man into a total tailspin cut off from everything and presumed guilty no matter what the Constitution says.
In the power grab area, the courts have g-d like powers over both litigants. At a whim, they can impose ruinous financial obligations, cut you off from your precious children and cause you to have to spend your life savings on lawyers. I say “at a whim” because the statutes give extraordinary discretionary powers to the judges; there are rarely clearly defined parameters and certainly no limits on their power. For example, where it concerns children, the only guideline is the infamous phrase “the best interests of the children”. Sounds nice, but it justifies anything. And I mean anything.
Case in point: you didn’t know your children are still children until they’re 21, 22, 23 or 29 years old didja? Well, our brilliant jurists have determined that you have an absolute obligation to support your children right on through college, grad school whatever. Now, you may be a parent who is of the opinion that your kid should work their own way through college, which is something I believe. Not to be cheap or to punish, but because that’s the way I did it and I think it made me a much better person earning my own way and not glomming off my parents until I was in my late 20’s.
In the case of college, the court can also impose the cost on you even when your ex has made every effort that your kids should only apply to the most expensive colleges. Remember also, that, while you are paying their tuition, the child support checks are still going to mom.
Yes, I am a divorced person. But it is really as an attorney against my own best interests that I say the system is absolutely corrupt and unjust, destroys families and especially fathers and makes people spend outrageous fortunes on attorneys.
Whew! I feel better now.
Me Too!
Thanks for posting.