5/31/07:
its so funny how many people want to help you and love you and counsel you and work with you through your pain when theres money involved heck I can go down to the bar, hand out money and drinks and have people who love me and want to listen to me I can go to a prophetic retreat/workshop for $150 or more and get personal prophetic ministry ask all these people who sincerely love and care to counsel and work with and be there for someone in pain for FREE .aint gonna happen ..money or the lack thereof certainly changes things .And then, New Life...
Me .I want something REAL, not more games. My ex-church will say they all love me, everyone loves me dont they? I had JWs knock on my door and say that Jehovah loves me and that theyd love to have me meet with them ..but do they have any REAL answers? Love in our commercial and christian America is just a word to get people to convert, to get peoples money ..
3/16/07:
...when I was a teenager my mother would do a pat down to check for music, DVDs and video games whenever I came out of an electronics store like Best Buy or Circuit City. Id still obtain things anyways, it was like getting drugs from a drug dealer, EVERYTHING had to be done in secret. lolbut to me, the most disturbing is this...
I remember getting thrown around the room and hit while getting interrogated about whether or not I had video games and DVDs. Then there were the constant interrogations by the church pastors. @#%$ hypocrites.
I remember having to listen to everything in secret, at very low volume levels or with headphones, whether it was video games, TV, DVDs, or music/radio. Every day was like Mission Impossible, as even ONE mis-step and it could be all over.
My mother would search EVERYWHERE on a regular basis. Youd have thought I was hiding methamphetamines(which her favorite pastor, Ted Haggard was found guilty of) or something serious .but it was all over DVDs, Cds, and video games, the issue of drug abuse or the like never came up. And when she confiscated something, shed almost never tell me. Shed always pretend like she had no idea what I was talking about, until I had her cornered with evidence .so much for Liars go to the lake of fire.
9/7/07:
Prophetic Child
Since I was at least age 6 my mother and her church friends have always told me about how my birth was foretold. They say that while I was still in my mothers womb a prophet told my mother that I was to be, quote, a prophet to the nations and something along the lines of the next Billy Graham/Peter Wagner.
They said that the following verses applied to me:
Mat. 12.18 and Ezk. 36:26-28
Basically, they believe that I am their chosen one for the end times and according to the Ezekial passage they believe that I am going to go back to their church/system.
The problem right now is the fact that it appears that they are always going to pursue me throughout life(and they have said so), as I am supposedly the chosen one. As far as I can tell they did not treat the other youth the same way.
Well, I dont want to be their chosen one at all. I just wish I could find some way to wake up from this nightmare.
11/4/07:
No matter how hardcore cult-like these end of days dominionist pentecostal charismatic church members want to be Ill never give in. They can make fun of me, harass me, and even break my back but they wont break me.
Im working on a way out here, time is going to wash away all pain.
I think the new heart and spirit the ma put in there was her own.
This is interesting as it goes along with my theory. I felt that when they wouldn'tlet him spend the night at YWAM he thought they were all phonies..then he goes to the church of the big phony of last year and took some of them out. A sick way to think, but I think it was what was going through his mind perhaps.
When men like Ted Haggart fall they take a lot of folks with them. It’s not only their soul going to eternal hell but the others who fall away from faith because of them.
IMHO