How To Be A Good Democrat (what you have to believe)

How To Be A Good Democrat (what you have to believe)

1. You have to be against capital punishment on the guilty, but support abortion on demand on the innocent.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that hurting a dog is front page news, but five people killed in your city over a weekend isn't.
7. You have to believe that the violence in Israel, Chechnya, Iraq, Kashmir, Algeria, Sudan, Pakistan, Indonesia and Afghanistan is not caused by Muslims.
8. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
9. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
10. You have to believe that some teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
11. You have to believe that the people in the US Senate and the US House of Representatives are representative of America.
12. You have to believe that some cold medicines require a prescription, but teenagers can get a morning-after pill without a prescription.
13. You have to believe that global warming is caused by human activity, but that somehow *MILE*-thick glaciers over Wisconsin disappeared on their own 10,000 years ago.
14. You have to believe that hunters who cull overpopulated herds don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of a coffee shop do.
15. You have to believe that there is free expression on college campuses.
16. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
17. You have to believe that Hollywood doesn't actively promote filth, even though R-rated movies earn on average less than G and PG rated ones.
18. You have to believe that the same government responsible for $500 toilet seats and the DMV will do a better job with your healthcare.
19. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
20. You have to believe that taxes are too low, and should be raised by a TRILLION dollars in 2009, but ATM fees are too high.
21. You have to believe that the free enterprise system is evil, but an unaudited Federal Reserve setting interest rates in a free market is OK.
22. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger, Gloria Steinem and Cesar Chavez are more important to American history than George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
23. You have to believe that Native Americans were peaceful before 1492.
24. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas, affirmative action and racial set-asides are not.
25. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
26. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
27. You have to believe that Jimmy Carter was a great president.
28. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
29. You have to believe that there is such a thing as a Social Security "lockbox" and that all of your Social Security tax payments are waiting in an account somewhere for you.
30. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality are OK and should be constitutionally protected (and sponsorship by Miller Beer is OK too), but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
31. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
32. You have to believe that illegal immigrants do not depress wages in the US.
33. You have to believe that you can "support the troops" but not for what those troops volunteered and are fighting for.
34. You have to believe that children under 18 have more rights than their own parents.
35. You have to believe that someone in Washington (or your state capitol) knows better about your life than you do.
36. You have to believe that Afro-Americans, or Jews, or women, or Hispanics, or union workers, or gays can't possibly be conservative.
37. You have to believe that everyone thinks the way you do, (that's the way the smart people think, right?) and to be shocked and appalled when someone has a different opinion.
38. You have to believe that it's okay to give government workers the day off on Christmas Day, but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
39. You have to believe that Al Gore's *movie* deserves a PEACE prize.
40. You have to believe Al Gore's movie.
41. You have to believe that when a Republican is in the White House, homelessness is increasing, the world hates us and the economy sucks, while when a Democrat is in the White House homelessness has been eliminated, the world loves us and the economy rocks.
42. You have to believe that our Army can't stop illegal aliens crossing our national border, but that our Army should be sent to feed hungry people in different parts of the world.
43. You have to believe that low approval ratings matter when Bush has them, but now that the Democrats have taken over Congress, and have even LOWER approval ratings, approval ratings somehow don't matter any more.
44. You have to believe that Christianity is evil and that Islam is a "religion of peace".
45. You have to believe that a fence on the border is bad, but a fence around the White House works.
46. You have to believe that Castro, Che Guevera and Yassir Arafat were all nice men.
47. You have to believe that a Republican talking about his faith is divisive, but a Democrat talking about his faith is sincere.
48. You have to believe that Hillary, Obama, Edwards, Pelosi and Reid are the best that your party can offer.
49. You have to believe that women in the USA are oppressed, but women in Saudi Arabia are free.
50. You have to believe that term limits are bad, and that the longer you are in government the more you understand those outside of it.
51. You have to believe that tenure is OK, but merit pay for teachers isn't.
52. You have to believe that if Hillary is elected, Bill will be kept under control.
53. You have to believe there is no such thing as vote fraud, but if it is happening, Republicans are doing it.
54. You have to believe that the people in church on a Sunday morning are what's wrong with America.
55. You have to believe that a government official saying, "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you," is telling you the truth.
56. You have to believe that a sign in the United States that is in English is discriminatory.
57. You have to believe that all nations and cultures are equal and good, except the US, which isn't.
58. You have to believe that any new problem can be solved with a new government program, and any unsolved problems that still exist have had their budget cut by those evil Republicans.
59. You have to believe that Canada does it better, its just a shame that they are colder.
60. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy, but Democratic talking points don't originate from Moveon.org.

That is a lot to swallow

While this is a good snark list, and quite correct as to their flaws, it would be interesting to see what the Democrats would need to do to reform their party, to again make it a responsible, if liberal, opposition.

1) Learn foreign policy. The utter black hole that is their John Lennon concept of foreign policy is not just laughable, it is dangerous to the country. So much so that it would be appropriate for the Republicans to subsidize instruction in foreign policy to the up and coming Democrat ranks. Otherwise the blundering fools will somehow bring about WWIII.

2) Replace socialism with pragmatism. If they really want to help the masses, they need to accept the idea that what works—works, and what doesn’t—doesn’t. Just because they accept the notion that socialism just plain doesn’t work, anywhere, does not mean that what we do is perfect. There are still any number of positive changes that can be made that have no foundation in 19th Century socialism. Just because a system is too complex to easily understand or control does not mean that it does not work.

3) Purge the utter freaks and wackos from the Democrat party. There are limits to inclusion. Insane people, pedophiles, violent felons, violent fanatics, foreign spies and lobbyists, and those opposed to democracy, should play no part in the political process. As a rule of thumb, people who cannot abide the Constitution of the United States and seek to overthrow our government should not be part of our system, nor live in our nation.

4) Personal morality, honesty and success should not be looked at with suspicion and distrust, any more than people who are immoral, corrupt and failures should be embraced solely for that reason.

This is a profound problem in the Democrat party. The party needs to accept that heroes and honorable people do exist, that some people are morally superior to most people, and that there is no grace in tearing down what is good and precious. Envy and hatred of others who are better is not uplifting. In fact it is among the worst of personal flaws.

It is not just the promulgation of class warfare, it is the neurotic need to tear down others out of spite. Justifying it by claiming that you are “trying to humanize” others by exhibiting their faults is the sign of a bitter soul and a fearsome inferiority complex.

5) Hand in glove with this is to quit the “false superiority complex” that is based in feelings of inferiority. Accept that downtrodden peoples are not inherently inferior, that they also have the capability to rise above oppression, ignorance, poverty and tyranny. The Democrats need to accept that such lowly people are not there for their entertainment, and can rise above their station. It is aberrant to not be able to enjoy your life unless you can feel superior to others. It is also racist.

6) Develop a philosophy that embraces a better future for all, that is not pessimistic, despairing, and is based in loss and deprivation. Prophets of doom and gloom, who wish to ride a wave of economic and social collapse to power, are ill suited to lead an optimistic nation. Accept that for the most part, the United States is not just a force for good in the world, but that it is one of the few forces for good in the world, and if it ceases to act as such, even for a short time, real evil will oppress many, and the cause of liberty and freedom will be set back.

7) Return to the advocacy of personal freedom for Americans as well. Democrats need less to be authoritarian and more libertarian. They could take pride in eliminating hundreds or thousands of oppressive laws and taxes, and of reigning in out of control intelligence and police agencies. Their advocacy of liberty could even expand to prohibit excesses by corporate America to individual liberty. A highlight of this would be to bring down monopolies and oligopolies that have sprung up over the years.

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