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I have asked to address the American public regarding a matter that took place yesterday.

Early yesterday I was informed that a man with weapons of mass destruction was causing trouble among the locals in one of my campaign headquarters. Not having more information than that, I voted to support a government quasi military campaign to put an end to the threat. I have since come to regret this vote of approval. I will explain.

It has become clear that we were misled about the WMDs. The government official(s) lied to us. It is now clear they were evil war mongering men on a power trip, trying to gain control for their own evil purposes, although exactly what those evil purposes were remains unclear at this time.

Once the WMDs were claimed to exist, the local quasi military forces took measures to secure the location. They stopped traffic in front of the headquarters. They moved people out of the immediate area. And it is basically accurate to say, they destabilized the immediate region. This was totally unnecessary.

We could have settled this matter peacefully, without putting lives in jeopardy. I was able to contact the inspectors from the United Nations. If we would have been given time, we could have alleviated the concerns of our government leaders. It is true the man inside wouldn't allow inspections, but we could have overcome that in time. I am convinced of this.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have called for a peace conference to be attended by all interested parties. We would have implemented that plan within days, and have come to a peaceful settlement without endangering lives. My staff was so traumatized by the actions of the quasi military campaign, that their lives may never return to normal. People lives within the immediate region were thrown into chaos. All this was unnecessary.

One hour into the quasi military campaign, it had become evident to me that this had turned into a quagmire.

Local government officials called for a pullout. I was glad to lend my support to that plan. Unfortunately, one official blocked the desires of the majority.

Local government officials voted to defund the quasi military campaign. I was glad to support that also. Still, one official blocked the desires of the majority again. I was furious.

At this point about all I could do is side with others who professed their undying support for the quasi military group, but not their campaign. No, we just couldn't do that any longer.

Luckily, the media stuck with us during these dark times. They presented our side of the story almost exclusively. It was greatly appreciated what with the elections coming up next year.

In one last desperate move, I signed onto a resolution declaring the local police to have committed acts of genocide over ninety years ago. For a few hours it looked as if they might withdraw their support of the operation, but even that fell through.

Despite all our best efforts, the quasi Military campaign continued. And thanks to my and other like minded people's support, the campaign headquarters campaign was successful.

I would like to express my appreciation to those who joined me to support this effort. While we may have had some differences along the way, we stuck it out and achieved victory.

God bless the people of ~~Iraq~~ my campaign headquarters.

In closing, let me assure the good people of America, my consistent leadership will continue long into the future. You can count on me.

Shrillery Clintoon - United Flakes Senator from New Yack

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