Probably needs the government to supply her a man too...
Posted on 11/28/2007 1:01:57 PM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
Hi, my name is Annabelle, and I'm a taxaholic. It's hard for me to admit this, but I think it's time to own up: I'm powerless over the idea that taxes are not a bad way to fund programs that might do some good for our country. My addiction has really gotten the better of me now that Bush has vetoed Congress's main social spending bill, which was to fund admittedly unworthy social endeavors like cancer research, mine safety, job training and Head Start.
I'm sure you've all heard this tale over and over again. My problem started at parties during Bush's first term, when I was finding it much easier to deal with my social anxiety by breaking the ice with a statement like, "Can you believe how much he's cut taxes? How are we going to pay for things like education?" I would start out with just one tax, citing the ridiculousness of the claim that the death tax was going to deprive independent farmers (an oxymoron) from inheriting family farms. Then I'd start proposing taxing religious organizations and hedge fund managers, and next thing you know, my husband would be dragging me home.
Invitations to parties stopped coming, and I was finding myself home alone, writing e-mails to liberal organizations late into the night. And then once the tax cut kicked in and all of us Americans received and immediately spent that $300 refund, I would lie awake at night, mad that Republicans had demonized big government and obsessively thinking about how we might have used those taxes to fund superfluous stuff like repairing infrastructure or securing Social Security and universal healthcare.
Over the past few years my habit has only gotten worse, and I recently hit bottom. I had a slip after Bush's veto and thought up a new tax.
Here's my tax of choice: the presidential candidacy tax. Sure, this might create a hardship on candidates who don't raise a lot of money, but let's cut the charade: the networks don't think they have a chance anyway--just ask Mike Gravel. Plus, with the recent revelation that Republicans are recruiting wealthy candidates who can fund their own campaigns, it's the perfect time to institute the tax.
Furthermore, we deserve it, for having to endure the ever longer run-up to the election season. I think I am owed something for listening to Rudy Giuliani waffle on whether waterboarding is torture, comparing it to running for President. He didn't specify if his candidacy was torturous to him or torturous for us, but in any case, let's really make him suffer: let's squeeze some cash out of him. We should pass the tax soon though, on the off chance that Michael Bloomberg enters the race. If Bloomberg announces his candidacy, we might even raise enough to eliminate the alternative minimum tax.
OK, I guess that's all the time I have. Thanks for letting me share my experience, strength and hopes. I'd like to wrap this up with our prayer. And speaking of prayer, I recently learned I have something in common with Fred Thompson besides the fact that he and I probably have about the same chance of being elected President. Thompson has said if he were elected his first act upon entering the Oval Office would be to pray. I liked that sentiment, but maybe he and the other candidates would consider joining in our prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the taxes I cannot change, the courage to change the taxes I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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about Annabelle Gurwitch:
Writer and actress Annabelle Gurwitch currently prognosticates on both politics and pop culture on National Public Radio's Day to Day. Her column Fired Up appears regularly in The Nation, and her essays have appeared in publications including the Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Child, Premiere, and Penthouse.
As an actress, her 2003 work Off-Broadway earned her a place in the New York Times top ten performances of the year list. Other appearances include years of co-hosting Dinner and a Movie on TBS, films like Melvin Goes to Dinner and The Shaggy Dog. On television, she's appeared on Boston Legal, Seinfeld and, most recently, on Lifetime's State of MInd and The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman on IFC.
Fired!, her collection of stories about being made redundant, published by Simon and Schuster, was deemed "a merry compendium of failure" by the Washington Post is now available in paperback. The movie version of Fired! earned kudos from the Chicago Tribune, Oprah, Business Week, and continues to be shown in screenings sponsored by AFL/CIO, SEIU. The AP pronounced it, "a frank and funny look at downsizing and job loss" and the New York Times called it "ramshackle," which surprised Annabelle as she had always thought the word was "ramashackle."
Isn’t there some kind of rule about posting articles from “The Nation”?
Fred Scares them...
The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem.
The”Nation”= Nutjob Journohacks distorting the news with enough sophistry to choke on...
Boy, you got that right!
What rubbish! The Massachusetts State Income Tax Form has a block which allows taxpayers to pay additional taxes they don’t owe if they feel they should for the betterment of mankind. According to the DOR, approx. 0.37% of state residents do so, in a total so small the state won’t release the number (obviously the Liberals making the loudest demands are just plain liars). Just one more huge Big Leftist Lie that people can’t wait to pay higher taxes for social programs.
Wow, here's a body of work I think I would have left on the shelf..
Hi Annabelle. First, we want to welcome you to Taxaholics Anonymous. We understand what it is like for you to want to pay more in taxes, but the gosh darn Bush Administration keeps making you hold on to more of your own money!!
But, Annabelle, we at Taxaholics Anonymous have a secret plan to expose the Bush Administration for the undertaxing meanies they are and trying to force America into greater personal wealth. We stymie them by paying MORE in taxes than we actually owe! In fact, we intentionally increase our tax rate to >70% and STILL don't think it's enough!!! Frankly, Annabelle, we're on the verge of either becoming homeless so we can pay even MORE in taxes, or engaging in self-flagellation as a means of punishing ourselves more because the Bushies won't. We believe like Warren Buffett and Barack (sounds like someone burping) Hussein Obama that we should and CAN pay MORE in taxes!!!
Thank you for joining us, Annabelle. To verify your commitment, please make a check out to the IRS (or the DNC, same difference to us) in the amount of $15,000.
/sarc
Did I miss something? Have federal tax receipts gone down?
That’s funny. As I recall, a much higher percentage voted against eliminating the state income tax than checks off the higher box. Including Barney Frank. Of course Old Broken Clock Barney said that tha’s because he doesn’t trust the MA House of Reprehensibles with the money.
What, on the basis that it’s damaging to your mental health? ;’}
Actually for the same reason Jim Robinson doesn't allow visitors to bring buckets of manure into his house.
Nope. Just more propaganda confusing tax RATE cuts with tax AMOUNT cuts.
In reality, Bush has been a huge tax HIKER on the highest earners. They pay more both in (inflation adjusted) dollars and in share of the tax burden than they did under Clintoon.
It’s amazing that some people think a bureaucratic organization with dozens of layers of management, politically minded, more worried about special interests, compartmental in thinking, un-adaptive and without competition can run programs better than the private marketplace.
Never do I hear an answer to this question: “I want the government to manage my life because of their great track record at managing__________” (Please fill in the black).
Probably needs the government to supply her a man too...
Please, please, all those facts and logic will just make her little head explode.
Hey, why does this bitch ahve to wait for the government to raise her taxes. We should all send her a tax bill for a $1, playable to the sender.
Buy that poor girl a sandwich! No wonder she’s so mad, the girl is starving.
Annabelle Gurwitch
She had landed a coveted role in a play in New York, and—what seemed a dream come true—would be working for Woody Allen, who was slated to direct. But a funny thing happened on the way to opening night. In a tale that is rapidly becoming famous, Allen called Gurwitch’s performance “retarded” and fired her.
Now if a sicko like Allen calls you "retarded", well... you must be. Especially considering that the sicko himself is retarded.
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