A few years back we were at a parent teacher conference, and the teacher suggested a few things we could do together to improve Ratboy's academic performance.
She was amazed to find that we were divorced, saying that she had many children of divorce in her classes, and that she could always tell who they were. Except him. She had no idea we were divorced.
We could think of no finer complement.
It’s rare to find divorced parents and blended families working together for the sake of the children. I once worked with a woman who was divorced with one daughter. She married again and that marriage produced two sons. At some point, this woman got together her present and former husband and members of her family and the two husbands’ families, and basically laid down the law. They were all going to try to get along and work together for the sake of the children. If there were going to be any disagreements, they would not be played out on the children. Amazingly, they did get along for the most part. This woman told me that her children had three sets of grandparents — there was none of this “you’re no relation to me” thing — each family welcomed the stepchildren with open arms. The ex and the present husband also treated their non-biological children as their own. As a result of everyone’s cooperation, the children turned out well.
Having once worked for attorneys who specialized in “family law” — I know that scenarios like yours and my former co-worker’s are a rarity.