Really? I was under the impression that the upper classes bartered their women like cattle.
Sometimes, especially with young girls. However, many wealthy women, whether widows or heiresses, took control of their own property and were quite independent.
Eleanor of Acquitaine is a good example, and she was an example for other women of her time: educated, cultured, and politically aspiring. Of course, sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't; Eleanor was under house arrest for a dozen years in her late middle-age.
An excellent source on this subject is Women in the Age of the Cathedrals, by Regine Pernoud.