Winders ‘98
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol’ Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 Wheel Drive
floppies are them little ol’ plactic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
* OK ats aww-right
* cancel hail no
* reset awa shoot
* yes shore
* no Naaaa
* find hunt-fer it
* go to over yonder
* back back yonder
* help hep me out here
* stop ternit off
* start crank it up
* settings sittins
* programs stuff at does stuff
* documents stuff I done done
Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
* tiperiter A word processor
* colering book a graphics program
* addin mershene calculator
* outhouse paper notepad
* jupe-box CD Player
* iner-net Microsoft Explorer
* pichers A graphics viewer
* IRS M/S accounting software
* IRS2 M/S accounting software with hidden files
* coon dog American kennel club records
* fishin Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
* NRA National Rifle Association
* shot gun Remington Arms price list
* riffel Winchester price list
* pisstel Smith and Wesson price list
* truck Ford and Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
* house Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
* car same as truck just need two, list in Alabama
* cuzzins family history (usually a 3 meg file)
* tax records usually an empty file
* shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
* bud list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
* rasin NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race
* car ‘n truck parts nearest junk yard by zip code
* doc veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement copy.
Driving Etiquette for Rednecks
# Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
# When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
# Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
# When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
# Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
# Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
# Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
ROFLOL. This is just too funny for words. My side hurts. I’m going to share this with coworkers and friends.
SD