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I am the partner of Cecil Sinclair who passed. It is unfortunate that the church has decided to tell untruths in order to make themselves feel better, or make their side of the story into a saner response. Hopefully more of the truth will come out in future articles or investigations. First of all, let me start by stating that it was a member of the church who offered the use of their facility to us, on behalf of his brother who is/was a member of their congregation. I was introduced to this man as Cecil's partner. To my knowledge, this person at least was fully aware that we were living openly as a couple. This same member of the church, when were later advised that we could not use the facilities, on his own, with money from his own pocket, not church coffers, went and procured another facility for the funeral. The church did not do so. At no time did a member of the church contact us to indicate that they had a problem with any part of the service we were planning. We never had contact with the minister or any of the administration. On Tuesday morning, we gave the church a total of 83 various pictures of Cecil that were forwarded to us by various members of his family. Of those, not a single one showed a man hugging or kissing another man, nor were there any overtly homosexual references. Cecil's sister Kathleen sat and worked with the two people preparing the video and went through all of the photos with them. There was only one photo which would be considered offensive, as it was a picture of him in his early 20s making a rude gesture at his best friend who was taking the photo. We removed it and never asked that it be included. It was just overlooked in the rush to get things done. These individuals went through all the other photos, which were pictures of family gatherings, birthday parties, vacations, etc. At no time was anything expressed to her or us that they had a disagreement with any of the other photos. Cecil's brother Lee, who was the member of the church, asked that we include a call to prayer near the beginning of the services, as well as a call for salvation at the end. We immediately agreed to this because it meant so much to his brother personally. We even asked if they wanted to have their own minister conduct it, or if our officiator could. Our officiator was a baptist minister. There was no objection raised, so we assumed that it was OK. On Wednesday evening about 6pm, we received a call. The person on the line put Cecil's brother Lee, who is mentally impaired, onto the phone. Lee informed us that something had gone wrong, and then someone else got on the phone. That person informed us that a terrible string of errors was made, and that the service could no longer be held at their facility. We never spoke to the pastor nor anyone from his administration directly. It was all done through middlemen. When we requested to know why we could no longer use their facility, there was no answer. They simply stated a mistake was made. Later that night, while we were scrambling to find another location, Cecil's niece called back to the church and demanded an explanation. It was at that time a very long string of excuses began to form. First she was told that it was because we were bringing in outside food, which they didn't allow. Then we were told it was because there was construction going on nearby which they felt would be too obtrusive. We said we didn't think it would interfere. Then we were told it was because there was a scheduling conflict. When asked was other event was being held that was conflicting, the call was disconnected. The remembrance we held for Cecil I felt was wonderful. We started with a brief welcome by the officiator. A song (For the Fallen) was sung. Cecil's obituary was read. We then played the video which was about 10 minutes long, showing him from childhood, graduation, his naval service, and family gatherings, especially those from his 46th birthday, which had just been on the 5th of July. The officiator then read from personal family statements and remembrances of him. His mother, father, uncle and sister had all contributed personal insights into his life that they were not able to state themselves due to grief. A time was then allowed for individuals to come to the mike and offer their own personal remembrances of him. The chorale then sang another song (Amazing Grace). Closing remarks were made by the officiator and we then moved to the light meal that had been prepared. Meat and cheese sandwiches, cakes, and cookies. Only a small amount of this was offered by the church, most was either brought by family or friends. To me personally, I have no problem with the church turning us away. My problem is with the method in which they did it. I happen to know several other members of that church who are also gay, and they had no idea that their church held that opinion on this topic either. If they had told us right away, or even on Tuesday that they were not comfortable with the service, we would have been more than willing to try and come to some sort of compromise, or we could have changed venues. We were never given that option. Someone in a position of power made the decision to cut us off, and didn't even have the moral courage to tell us the truth to our faces. Hopefully your reading this helps to make sense of what occurred. I fully understand the church’s right to deny us the use of their facilities. I also served in the military, (US Army, 1987-2002), and I have fought to defend their freedom of religion and freedom of choice. If just one couple or family can be saved from having to suffer the same as we did, I would consider all this to have been worthwhile. I truly believe all congregations need to have more open communication between all their members, so that the person who had initially welcomed us into their church would have known that is was not acceptable in the eyes of their leaders, and the entire issue would have been avoided. If we had known from the beginning we were not welcome, or the offer had never been made, we would have just continued making the same arrangements we finally had in the end. Nothing we did for Cecil's remembrance ceremony was changed, other than the location. I loved Cecil truly and deeply, and I am sorry that anyone considers a truly heartfelt, emotional, even spiritual connection to another human being to be sinful, simply because that love is between two people of the same sex.

I FReepmailed Paul and received his permission to ping everyone who has posted on this thread.

While most FReepers hold strong views on homosexuality, we can all recognize that he has lost a friend. Please keep this in mind as you post.

I wanted everyone who has posted on this thread to hear his side of the discussion. One of the problems that forums have is pushing through the newspaper article that we post. We all understand that they can be slanted however the writers and editors choose. This can be intentional or unintentional.

The truth of a situation is in between both sides of a story. Please feel free to link to the original article, and then read Cecil's Partners response here and below.

It is not often that small stories like this get much attention from the media. It is even less often that we get to hear from the participants. I dare say that none of the participants had any idea of the media circus this would become. As always, please read before posting.

Thanks to all for maintaining the decorum of this forum on this thread, and in welcoming the many new viewers who will read this entire thread.

Our condolences for your loss of your best friend who you chose to enjoy life with.
Thank you for your views on the circumstances.

I have chose to spend the last 28 yrs dedicated to caring for my severly disabled quadroplegic son who has also been rejected by our local Catholic Church.

When he was to attend his teen yrs Catechism for confirmation they moved the class upstairs and told us they would not consider having it downstairs this after he had been attending 2 yrs prior and every week was a challenge emotionally for me as his assistant/careprovid knowing all those ignoring we were even there.

So I understand your pain.

We attended another much different Catholic church that was very conservative and very loving.

We have been unwelcomed in places of business due to his disability as it offended other patrons.

We simply have found places that our wonderfully happy to have us spend our money at their business and have been very kind not only to my son but other folks with an array of disabiilities or life challenges.

We have never wore a flag demanding “rights” or used our situation to hide behind.

It sounds like you have not either with your life choices.

As you grievingly know life is to short to do that.

I wish you all the best as you move on and cherish memories of your friend.

Other than my sons 24hr care I have little time for personal relationships so have chose to not have a husband and be single for life. I instead chose to raise Labradors for the last 25 yrs for companionship and don’t regret being single and not having other children. My point being who cares if society has shunned my choices I have done what I promised God I would do and that is care for my son for life.

You chose to stick by Cecil for life and you did cherish that freindship and don’t allow those who did not except you to sour your life.

I applaud you on not making your time a grief a political flag parading cause for the lifestyle you shared with Cecil.
Keep living with a positive attitude and ignore those who don’t get it, let God sort it all out in the end.
God Bless.

I think there’s something you need to know right off. I don’t wish you any pain. I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but that’s really none of my business. I’m sure you probably wouldn’t agree with some of mine either. That being said, you guys both served in the military. I thank you for that. I do appreciate it. Not knowing you, it’s still likely that you did other things in your life I would approve of, so this isn’t a total repudiation of either of you. Don’t read it that way.

One of your comments was, “If we had known from the beginning we were not welcome, or the offer had never been made, we would have just continued making the same arrangements we finally had in the end.” It strikes me that you could have been welcome. You mentioned that there were other homosexuals in the church. I imagine those people will be allowed funeral services within the church. This being the case, it’s rather clear that you would have been welcome in the church before the death. That you weren’t afterwards isn’t a big surprise for me.

The person who volunteered the church’s facilities was probably a well meaning individual, he did come through with funding for alternative services. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen well meaning church members blow it. This person wasn’t in a position of authority, or the services would have been held there. He spoke for others and it didn’t work out. Even after you thought the services could be held there, Pasters and church boards have to please all the regular members. That doesn’t mean that those members should be able to dictate in all matters, but in this one they prevailed. For all the obvious reasons, I don’t think that should be considered an ‘out of the blue’ moment for you.

Look, I’m sorry one or more people gave you the green light, then the door was closed. I don’t like that it came down that way, but there are times in life when you have to accept that you’re not going to get the straight reason for things. While you may not see that as the moral way to approach you, the people who were tasked with breaking the news to you probably didn’t want to confront your lifestyle to yoru face when explaining that you couldn’t use the facilities. You may not like to hear this, but I understand their position on this. In truth, I understand yours as well.

This was at best an uncomfortable fit. Even though your partner seems to have been a member, they hadn’t attended in years. This means they didn’t support the church during functions, monetarily or most importantly it’s teachings. That’s a rather important trifecta to overlook IMO.

I must admit, I haven’t been to funerals where they have 83 photos on display. I will say that what may pass the non-offensive meter for you, might not for others. Any pictures that showed the two of you holding hands, with your arms around each other or even just standing real close, would grate some church members something fierce knowing what they knew.

I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that years before this situation came to pass, the both of you didn’t plan for it. Now, a church was put in an uncomfortable situation. So were you. That is unfortunate. Do you really think it’s all that much of a surprise?

Well, I hope that things look up for you. I don’t wish uncomfortable situations and unhappiness on anyone. You take care.