An appropriate reaction to the newest illegal immigration bill

[justt bloomin]

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate Office Building
309 Hart
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin

[justt bloomin]

Jonathan Swift would approve. Does anybody have access to these forms?

[Sundog]

Put me on your ping list if you get those forms.

I would like at least two years of my taxes back in exchange for the change of status. Thankfully, I could still vote...

[Egon]

Ping.

[3AngelaD]

You are unlike to get a response. Senator Sarbanes retired last year.

[Spiff]

You are unlike to get a response. Senator Sarbanes retired last year.

Which is when this letter was originally written as it refers to a previous version of the amnesty sellout legislation to the illegal alien invader hordes.

[peeps36]

The American people have a government made up of scumbags who only represent a certain group of people. They don’t care one bit about the wants and needs of the average citizen. We are nothing to them but a source of money. I have no respect for these politicians. I think it’s time we follow the road of our forefathers and break out the tar and feathers. After that we can break out the revolution.

[douchebagreport.com]

This is funny as hell - nice work.