Generation gap? What generation gap? [barf alert]

With almost one in two marriages now ending in divorce, there are more and more mothers and daughters — like Fergie and Princess Beatrice — who find they are dating at the same time.

Fifty-year-old Janine Wilkinson is a marketing executive who lives in a detached four-bedroom house near Leicester, with her daughter Beth, 20, who is studying retail buying at De Montfort University. DIANA APPLEYARD spoke to them about their sometimes shocking experiences in the course of a month’s dating diary.

There are times when I feel very uncomfortable about bringing men home to the house, and if I am going to sleep with them then I nearly always go to their home or to a hotel. If my daughter did what I do, I would be horrified.

My first priority is to my daughter, and there are definitely things my daughter does not want to know about, and her mother’s sex life is one of them. That’s private.

I give her advice about boyfriends, but I would never pry into her sex life. Otherwise, we are like a pair of teenagers, more like sisters than mother and daughter. We share clothes, we share shoes and we share make-up. Before a date, both our bedrooms are in chaos as we pull clothes out of the wardrobe, say "I can’t wear that!" and shriek with laughter.

I dress fairly young for my age and I adore Whistles and designer shoes like L K Bennett. In many ways I am much more young at heart than my daughter, who is the sensible, practical one — it’s a bit like Ab Fab really. Several times my daughter has said to me 2Mum, I really don’t like or trust that guy you have been seeing", and that is the kiss of death to a relationship for me.

I have been divorced from Beth’s father for 12 years. He works as a civil servant and we have a great relationship now — he often helps around the house if I need something doing. I married young, at 20, and we just grew apart. There was no real animosity, but Beth is very close to her father and it hit her hard.

After the divorce, it was really hard for me to jump straight back into the dating game, but I needed to do it for my self-confidence. I wanted to have fun, but I was also aware that I have a beautiful, detached house with a very small mortgage, and there’s no way I want to jeopardise Beth’s inheritance by falling for the wrong man.

The past month has seen a variety of experiences: I’d say I’ve been out with more men than Beth, and yes, I’ve had a lot more sex …

I have just come out of a fairly serious two-year relationship, so my priority this month is to have fun. I went out with a group of girlfriends to the pub in the nearest town tonight and saw an amazing-looking guy across the bar.

Our eyes met — he was about eight years younger than me, dark-skinned and with black hair. We couldn’t stop staring at each other. My friend noticed and nudged me, and I’m sure I went bright red. After an hour or so we got chatting and he took my phone number. I wonder if he will ring?

He rang! I feel like a teenager, since the man, Mike, asked me to meet him in the same pub tonight. I slid into some beautiful Whistles black trousers, a slinky black top and told Beth I was off to the pub to meet friends. Something told me Beth might not approve if I said it was a man I hardly knew.

My heart was beating so fast as I pushed open the door to the pub, and there he was, sitting waiting for me with a glass of white wine ready for me on the table.

We chatted non-stop for two hours — he’s a TV producer, is single and 38. I didn’t tell him my age, and he didn’t ask — well, you’re not going to volunteer that kind of information, are you?

When it was time to go I knew exactly what was going to happen — he asked me if I would like to go back to his place, and I thought: "Why not?" I texted Beth to tell her I was staying the night at a friend’s.

I know a lot of women will think I was over-hasty, but we were both adults and I’ve been around long enough to know that if there is a spark of passion, sometimes you should just follow your instincts. It’s only what thousands of younger couples do every weekend.

We had the most amazing night and though part of me was thinking "This is a bit risky", the other part thought: "There is nothing to stop you." I always practise safe sex and in the morning the tacit agreement was that this had been a one-off and nothing should come of it.

Some people will think that I am being irresponsible, but I know I can take care of myself. I know Beth doesn’t approve, though. She thinks I am much too casual in my approach to relationships.

Obviously I would never, ever date married men, but I do occasionally meet divorcÈs through a website called Dating For Parents, which has lots of like-minded professional people on it. On my description on the website I say that I am outgoing, love the theatre and am looking for an intelligent man to have fun with.

Beth does not approve of my using dating websites — she says they are for losers and worries that the men you meet over the internet may not be trustworthy. But it’s so much easier for her — all her friends are dating too and they go out in big groups and meet men that way.

Tonight I am meeting a guy called Nigel, who has been emailing me for a month. I always like to email them for a long time first to try to get to know a little bit about them.

He’s quite attractive, but I’m not sure if he is my sort. He is the director of a company, divorced with two children and a year older than me. Let’s see how it goes.

Utter disaster. What a nightmare he was. I felt quite attractive in a cashmere sweater and beautiful silk skirt with high heels, but his eyes just flicked over me, almost as if he was disappointed I wasn’t younger. He was wearing a smart suit, but his eyes were rather cold.

As our meal dragged on, I longed for it to be over. All he did was talk about himself. Honestly, I could have left the table and he would have talked to the napkin.

Not once did he ask me anything about myself. At the end of the meal he didn’t leave a tip, which really annoyed me because it had been a beautiful meal, and said: "At least I can put this down to business expenses."

He then asked if he could walk me back to my car. I thought: "No way. All this guy wants is a quick bit of sex and he has no interest in me whatsoever." I cut him short and said I would be fine on my own. He said he would call me and I really hope he doesn’t.

I‘m fuming. He left a message on my voicemail and said — if this can be believed — I must be frigid. I was so angry I rang him back and told him in no uncertain terms that I am not frigid, but that I expect a little more interest and courtesy from a man. I said it was all "me, me, me" with him and then he put the phone down on me. That’s the end of that episode.

Went out for a drink with a close girlfriend and we bumped into a man that I have known for about a year, through friends. Marco is a really lovely Italian, about two years older than me. He’s a businessman who tends to have very glamorous, younger girlfriends and I tease him about it.

He’s very wealthy and lives in a beautiful six-bedroom country house quite near to me. He asked us both back to his house for a drink. Once we were there, I suddenly realised that he was staring at me and for the first time in our friendship I felt a frisson of attraction. This could be interesting.

It’s funny that dating in your 50s makes you feel exactly like you did as a teenager — you have all the same hang-ups and insecurities, and your stomach flips over when you’re with an attractive man. When I tell Beth, she just rolls her eyes.

My friend has dragged me to a singles club for a night out. They are for mature, professional people, but I always find them a bit gruesome.

This one guy — smaller than me, younger and not good-looking at all — kept asking women to dance. They all said no. Eventually I felt so sorry for him. I marched up to him and asked him to dance with me. The look of relief on his face was palpable.

He was actually rather a sweet person and I hope I cheered him up a bit because he said he hated being single — but there was certainly nothing between us.

I have been emailing a much younger man for the past three weeks, having met him online. Hugh is 41, lives in High Wycombe, is single with no children and seems really good-looking from his photograph.

He works in IT and seems intelligent, but you never know until you meet someone face to face. I agreed to drive down to meet him — it took me an hour-and-a-half.

We met in a pub and I had expected him to book a meal because I was starving, I’d only had a piece of toast all day. Blow me down if he didn’t just buy one packet of crisps and one packet of nuts for us to share.

He was lovely looking, though — about 5ft 10in, blond, wearing a beautifully cut suit, and seemed well off — he drove a BMW. We talked for hours and found we had a love of the theatre in common.

But not once did he suggest eating, and my stomach was rumbling away. I also had a long drive back home, so at about ten I said I had to go. He kissed me on the cheek as we said goodbye and I felt a little flutter — who knows? I will have to wait and see if he emails me or calls.

That’s the way it is now — I never know quite what is going to happen next. Of course I would rather be happily married, but like thousands of women my age, I’m not any more.

At the end of the day I am having fun. I’m not lonely, no one is getting hurt, I have a lovely career, a home and a daughter I love very much. If I find love again, that would be wonderful, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t.

Sometimes Mum makes me want to hide under the table because she is so upfront about the men she dates — I have to hold up my hand and say: ‘Too much information, Mum!’

I’m glad that she is happy and dating a lot of men, but there is something slightly weird about dating alongside your mum.

I know she is an adult and she tells me she can take care of herself, but I still worry about her being hurt. I am far more cautious in my approach to men and relationships, which is ironic given that I should be the one going out and having a wild time.

To be honest, some of the men she’s dated have been — well, I wouldn’t have gone out with them if I was her age. And I would not date men I met on the internet, but then there are a lot more single men around for me.

Mum works hard, so she’s not out and about so much meeting people, and inevitably a lot of men her age are married. She does tend to date quite a few men younger than her and I’m not sure how I feel about that — it can be very unsettling.

My dating diary for the month is a lot quieter than my mum’s. Honestly, here I am at 20 and it’s my mum who’s getting all the dates.

Out for a drink in a local pub near the university with a group of my friends and I noticed that a guy kept glancing over at me.

I’m single and there’s no one special in my life. My friend said that she knew him — his name is Barry, he’s 24 and he is in the Army. I really liked the look of him — tall, about 6ft, with dark hair.

He came over, we got chatting, and at the end of the night he asked for my phone number, which I agreed to give him.

He rang, said that he had a few days off and asked me out for a meal. We ended up going to the cinema and then we went out for dinner. I really liked him. We chatted easily and we knew lots of people in common. I get the impression, though, that he’s not looking for a long-term relationship, just a bit of fun, because he doesn’t know when he is going to be posted abroad. I, on the other hand, am looking for a long-term relationship.

People think young people have no morals, but actually most of my friends and I are really moral — possibly a lot more moral than Mum! I certainly would not sleep with anyone on a first date.

Another date with Barry. I put on a really special outfit and was very excited about it.

We ended up having a fantastic day strolling around Nottingham. We had a really good chat and I feel this could be an ongoing relationship. I’m very positive and happy about it.

Despair. Barry promised to phone me on the Saturday to set up another date, but despite texting him several times I heard nothing.

I then emailed him, but got no response. It was bizarre — we had got on so very well and I was sure that he liked me. I believe in good manners and being polite, but to be honest some men are just so vulgar these days. It’s as if they expect you to sleep with them right away, and if you won’t, they just move on to the next girl.

It’s as if the whole sexual liberation thing has worked against women and we feel that we are being used and men are much less likely to commit. I’d like to find a man who can offer some support and constancy rather than a ‘disposable’ relationship.

I Met a guy in the pub earlier this week when I was out with my friends. He’s called Nick, works in the financial markets in London and is 25.

He has friends at the university, which was why we bumped into each other. He’s good-looking and seems very intelligent.

He rang me the next day and asked if we could meet tonight. I gave him my address and he said he would pick me up. When he arrived he was driving an old Peugeot, which made me wonder if he was making as much money as he said he was. We went out for a meal, but he seemed dry and boring. After the restaurant, we went to see a film and then he took me home. I won’t be seeing him again.

I have been out with an old boyfriend I still like. I usually stay friends with ex-boyfriends, and this guy is no exception.

We went out to a restaurant for a meal and talked non-stop all night, but I get the impression that friends is all we are going to be. I came home a little sad, telling myself that men are not the be-all-and-end-all.

Mum was married by my age, but I can’t see myself getting married for at least ten years, and I want to be financially independent and have my own life first.

It’s obvious that my dating month has been far quieter than Mum’s, but I’m not going to sit in judgment on her because she’s much more liberal than I am.

Perhaps it’s because I have been brought up in a single-parent household — I’m much more wary of relationships and men. She, meanwhile, seems to be having the time of her life.

Janine Wilkinson is a marketing executive who lives in a detached four-bedroom house near Leicester, with her daughter Beth, 20, who is studying retail buying at De Montfort University>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Love: Mom sells it, daughter buys it.

Telling quote 1: " I’m not going to sit in judgment on her because she’s much more liberal than I am."

Telling Quote 2: "I’m much more wary of relationships and men. She, meanwhile, seems to be having the time of her life."

Any skillful Punter could get them both together with him in the same bed.

Otherwise, we are like a pair of teenagers, more like sisters than mother and daughter.

And there you have it, the above comment sums up in one sentence where everything went wrong!

Put that together with the fact that the mother and father couldn't be bothered to work harder at their marriage in the first place multiply this case into the statistics for Britain in general and you have the beggining of the breakdown in civil society for our country, no wonder we're in the mess were in.

Quick satisfaction and cheap thrills are more important than longer term happiness which takes a bit more work.

The first line got me. "One out of two marriages ends in divorce." That is not a factual statement, yet it is constantly repeated.

Let's say for illustration that there are 80,000,000 marriages and in a given year there are two million marriages and one million divorces. Now there are 81 million marriages and an uncounted number of divorces. To simply isolate one year's numbers discounts all the previous marriages that have lasted for decades and gives greater value to those that divorce and perhaps remarry. This is a statistic that confuses young people into thinking that marriage can't last and doesn't work. While their gut feeling is that men and women want and need each other.

"In order for a dance or a marriage not to be discouraged a couple must be tied together for better or worse. If the man loses interest in the first minute he should be compelled to g the distance and complete the dance. Likewise with a marriage the couple should be encouraged to finish what they have started. Anything else would discourage sensible people from ever starting any such endeavour. If we were all floating in separate bubbles we would start a conversation in a whisper and have to end it shouting across the room. Such a thing would discourage any real communication." (GKChesterton)

Smokey Robinson | Shop Around Lyrics

Just because you’ve become a young woman now
There’s still some things that you don’t understand now
Before you ask some guy for his hand now
Keep your freedom for as long as you can now
My mama told me
You better shop around

There’s some things that I want you to know now
Just as sure as the wind’s gonna blow now
The men’ll come and the men are gonna go now
Before you tell ‘em that you love ‘em so now
My mama told me
You better shop around

Try to get yourself a bargain, girl
Don’t be sold on the very first one
Good-looking guys come a dime a dozen
Try to find you one who’s gonna give you true loving

Before you take a man and say I do now
Make sure he’s in love with you now
Make sure that his love is true now
I hate to see you feeling sad and blue now
My mama told me
You better shop around

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I wonder how many "I 'd hit its" we would get here on Janinine and Beth Wilkison, the subjects of this article?

Must be some hard up punters over there in Blighty. This article is mom and daughter trolling for it.

I'd hit them! NOT.

Next chapter of the story: Daughter brings man home to meet mom, mom seduces him, daughter and mom both sleep with him.

Same man marries daughter and both sleep with him and they all live happily ever after?

Yeah right. Such is the social fabric that causes insane jealousy, murder and hate.

>>It’s as if the whole sexual liberation thing has worked against women and we feel that we are being used and men are much less likely to commit. I’d like to find a man who can offer some support and constancy rather than a ‘disposable’ relationship.<< - The daughter

This is what feminism does to young women. The mother seems to have bought right into it...”Look at me, I am an aging old whore and isn’t it great?”. Women like this frighten me. They are my age. Where is the grace and dignity that comes with age? I’d bet this woman’s nickname at the bars is “Beer Goggles”.

"..Next chapter of the story: Daughter brings man home to meet mom, mom seduces him, daughter and mom both sleep with him..."

Wow, you missed your true calling in life: As a script writer for Lifetime, the TV network for women.

Although I think that particular storyline has been done about 5 times already.

Why thankyou.

Not only has it been done a few times. Its what likley will happen, as mom realizes that daughter has found the "true love" that she had missed over all these years.

The reason it has been done a few times, is because it is a common occurance in situations like these. Woe be the daughter , the day she finds her perfect man.

“as mom realizes that daughter has found the “true love” that she had missed over all these years.”

Probably right...

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