Children 'Learn Most From Peers Not Parents'

The Telgraph (UK) ^ | 4-26-2007 | Graeme Paton

[blam]

Children 'learn most from peers not parents'

By Graeme Paton, Education Correspondent
Last Updated: 2:27am BST 26/04/2007

Parents who heap attention on their children and spend hours teaching them the difference between right and wrong have only a small effect on their long-term development, according to a leading psychologist.

Mrs Harris believes that popular culture, friends or street gangs have a greater influence on children than family life

The need to survive at school and mix with friends has a more significant impact on a child's behaviour than lessons learned in the home, it is claimed.

Judith Rich Harris, an American psychologist, says that a child who grows up in a disciplined household is just as likely to turn into a tearaway as those raised in chaotic homes, if they mix with unruly classmates at a young age.

The conclusions undermine the Government's £30 million drive to coach parents on how to tame out-of-control children.

Yesterday, the Department for Education and Skills unveiled plans for a national "parenting academy", which will lead research into raising children and implement Government reforms, such as classes to improve the bond between fathers and sons.

But according to Mrs Harris, outside influences such as popular culture, friends or street gangs have a much greater influence on children than family life or even genetic make-up. She said: "Though relationships with parents greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of children, just as marital relationships greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of adults, neither leaves deep marks on the personality. In the long run, it is what happens to them outside the parental home that makes children turn out the way they do."

Writing this month in Prospect magazine, she says that the type of home in which a child is raised has comparatively little impact on how they will grow up. "Whether the home is headed by one parent or two, whether the parents are happily married or constantly rowing, whether they believe in pushing their children to succeed or leaving them to find their own way in life, whether the home is filled with books or sports equipment, whether it is orderly or messy, a city flat or a farmhouse - the research shows, counter intuitively, that none of these things makes much difference," she says. "The child who grows up in the orderly, well-run home is, on average, no more conscientious as an adult than the one who grows up in the messy one."

To reinforce the point, Mrs Harris compares the behaviour of identical twins who share the same genetic make-up and family life. She highlights the case of two six-year-old boys featured in Professor Robert Winston's BBC documentary series Child of Our Times, one of whom is a "macho little creature who roughhouses with his friends, all boys", while the other is willing to play with girls, even taking turns to change the nappy on a doll.

In her new book, No Two Alike, she argues that children need to get along in the culture in which they are reared, rather than that of their parents. It explains why children pick up the accent, speech patterns and attitudes of other youngsters rather than those learnt in the home, it is suggested.

The conclusions run counter to Government reforms, which increasingly target parents to address children's anti-social behaviour.

But in a speech in Westminster on Tuesday, Beverley Hughes, the children's minister, said. "We are clear in Government that our job is to provide the right framework of policies and services to support parents in carrying out their responsibilities to their children." have your say

[blam]

I learned what was right & wrong from my mother...my father added the discipline.

[SevenofNine]

What hell that shrink smoking I don’t know about Brit children my mom handle the disciple LOL! I know what right and wrong

[mylife]

This shrink is a doofus.

We learn from everthing and one of the things we generally learn is that our parents care more about our well being than our peers

[rlmorel]

"...Judith Rich Harris, an American psychologist..."

'Nuff said.

[LibFreeOrDie]

A different opinion:

“Kids with religious parents are better behaved and adjusted than other children, according to a new study that is the first to look at the effects of religion on young child development.”

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1822701/posts

[bremenboy]

Parents who heap attention on their children and spend hours teaching them the difference between right and wrong have only a small effect on their long-term development, according to a leading psychologist.

It is most apparent that his parents didn't teach him anything for he turn out a kook

[Izzy Dunne]

"Though relationships with parents greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of children, just as marital relationships greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of adults, neither leaves deep marks on the personality. In the long run, it is what happens to them outside the parental home that makes children turn out the way they do."

I tried to keep my temper down during the whole thing, but this takes the cake.

The idea that parents don't "leave a deep mark on the personality" of a child is ludicrous from top to bottom.

Maybe this dimwit never thought of the idea that part of a parent's job is to manage (to some degree) the "outside influences" affecting their kid.

[Pantera]

"Parents who heap attention on their children and spend hours teaching them the difference between right and wrong have only a small effect on their long-term development, according to a leading psychologist."

BS.

[Draco]

Didn’t see in the article whether this esteemed psychologist actually raised any children. She is good at parroting political points. “All studies show ....” Psychological studies never are so uniform. BS ALERT/

[operation clinton cleanup]

Children 'learn most from peers not parents'

I think that is true, depending on the relationship between the kids and the parents. Just to be safe, my parents "chose" which kids I could hang out with when I was a pre-teen.

[mplsconservative]

So this ditz implies it’s not worthwhile to instill a love of God and teach our children morals?

She’s pushing the ‘nature, not nuture’ agenda.

I volunteer in my son’s classroom and I can tell which children have been nurtured and those that have been left to ‘nature’. It’s a little bit like herding feral cats.

That said, it’s very sad. A little love and direction could avoid the loss of such human potential.

[Marie]

He’s right... that is if kids spend most of their waking moments with their peers. I know the 7 years I spent homeschooling had a huge impact on my kids. My daughter’s proud that she’s “going against the grain” at school now.

[docbnj]

I have great respect for Mrs. Harris. She may be partly right. Note that she actually said that the best teachibng of children can be undone if they are allowed to mix with bad kids when they are very young. So, good parents try to keep their children away from bad company, and they should continue to do so.

I know that my own upbringing very much influenced my standards for behavior, and made me recognize bad kids when I met up with them. Besides, I was a leader, and made most of the other kids follow my example. Somehow I avoided fights without getting pushed around, and was friendly with everyone, and I became popular. I was alwasy taught to do what was right, and most of the time I followed the pattern set by my elders.

My own children were raised the same way, and are successful, with good behavior and a happy, ambitious lifestyle. Both are happily married, and both had excellent judgment in picking spouses. The grandchildren are also doing very well.

Part of the way children turn out is luck. A bigger part is how you do your job as a parent. Don’t give up. Study your duties as a parent as hard as if it were a job, because it is. Remember that love is the secret ingrediant, but love never means abandoning standards and foolishly giving in to a child’s instinctively uncivilized tendencies.

[doc1019]

Although my peers had a great influence on my day-to-day response to the adult world, my loving, understanding and (did I say loving) parents good sense had a much longer lasting effect on my life.

[geopyg]

I was about to say, my kids (9 and 12) don’t like to hang out with kids that swear, etc. So, hopefully at a young age and knowing what is right to do they will continue to hang out with kids with like minds. Plus, keeping involved with them to a degree at school helps a lot I think. although I’m not that naive to think they won’t get in trouble form time to time.

[Rembrandt]

This article is unmitigated hogwash. A child’s values are formed during the first couple of years of life.

Conservative, caring, strict parents - the kid will do fine in school regardless of his peers.

Liberal, whiny parents who let the kids do as s/he chooses -his/her peers will take him/her along on their ride.

Why is it so difficult for intellectuals to put a value on values?

[Politicalmom]

Somehow I don’t think their friends have turned my children into Young (Conservative) Republicans at ages 13 and 11.

Heck, even my four year old’s favorite insult is “YOU LIBERAL!!”

[ken21]

scary, but true.

i grew up on a remote farm

and when i arrived at the university

i couldn’t understand why my generation was given to

socialismo.

si.

one roommate thought kuba was better than the u.s.a. his father was a boston m.d.

[ThomasThomas]

Kids learn the most from the people who care for them. Time spent with a child is not wasted. If a parent dosen’t teacher their child they will find someone else.

[aruanan]

Children 'Learn Most From Peers Not Parents'

Your peers are the people you're around most of the time. You learn to be like those around whom you spend most of your time. If you, as a child, spend most of your time with a bunch of clueless classmates, you'll probably be as clueless as the rest. However, if you spend most of your time interacting with adults, especially adults who hold you to standards, who help you to learn to think, then you'll more likely than not be like them. This was traditionally the basis of education, training, and enculturation for thousands of years. It was only later, in the 20th century, when the so-called "peer teaching" fad was spawned that things started their slide down the tubes.