Good News! Financial pressures aren't affecting quality of journalism

Jewish World Review ^ | Feb. 6, 2007 | Gene Weingarten

[Caleb1411]

Note to newspaper readers: As you may have heard, the newspaper industry is facing financial challenges created by competition from new technologies. This has resulted in unfortunate rumors, which we would like to put to rest today. Though newspapers have been seeking ways to cut costs, we are certainly not getting desperate, and we will never compromise on quality. Any adjustments we make are purely for the purpose of streamlining our product to better serve you, the reader.

Here are some small changes you can expect to be seeing in the coming months:

1. Fewer articles

By that we don't mean fewer stories. We mean fewer articles. "The," "an" and "a" will be used sparingly and only when absolutely necessary. We need the space.

2. Fewer stories

Okay, actually, we mean that, too. But we will not be losing the sorts of stories that marketing surveys have shown that you care about, namely stories that affect you personally. In fact, for home-delivery subscribers, we plan to use direct-mail targeting techniques to insert your name into stories in appropriate places, the way those sweepstakes letters inform you that You, [Your name], may have already won $1 billion dollars!

Example: "Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said Tuesday that leading economic indicators point to continued consumer confidence by Mrs. Barbara Poontsnicker of 234 Cottontail Trail, Reston, Va., and other purchasers of retail goods."

3. Cruddier paper stock

For some reason, readers seldom complain about the quality of our paper, even though we basically print on dried beaver cud. Since you seem not to mind, we have identified paper quality as a major target area for additional cost-saving, and are negotiating a new paper-supply contract with the manufacturers of those flushable toilet-seat covers.

4. Footnotes{1}

5. Paid product placement

[Buck W.]

"Financial pressures aren't affecting quality of journalism"
Translation: It's always been this bad.

[Stepan12]

"Better to be wanted by the police than not wanted at all."

Anonymous

[SunkenCiv]

Have a great day, all.

[pikachu]

Gee, 'quality' and 'journalism' together in the same sentence. Not something you see often.

[3niner]

In most industries, when business is being lost, partly due to lack of quality, the businesses will try to improve the quality of the product. Only the "news" business would brag about no change in quality.

[McGavin999]

Now THAT is funny!

[Tzimisce]

"Financial concerns not effecting journalism quality."

That's cause journalism has been swirling the bowl for the past 40 years at least...

[Donald Rumsfeld Fan]

Though newspapers have been seeking ways to cut costs, we are certainly not getting desperate, and we will never compromise on quality.

......

[Berosus]

These days, whenever somebody tries to sell me a newspaper, I tell them I haven't had much need for one since my parrot died last year.

[Fred Nerks]

Sally M. Hoofnagle, Gaithersburg florist,

Has died in her sleep of a hemorrhaging cyst.

She wants her remains sprayed on phlox and begonias.

Sally was seventy. She will be mist.

LOL!

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

Though newspapers have been seeking ways to cut costs, we are certainly not getting desperate, and we will never compromise on quality.

Of course not. We wouldn't want any of the faithful to lose confidence in doctrine of "the priesthood of the unbeliever."

[SunkenCiv]

LOL!

[SunkenCiv]

LOL!

My interpretation of the headline was unfair -- the real problem has been a complete lack of journalism, rather than low quality. :')