Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
I used to donate regularly and still have the mugs and gallon donor cup and all of that.
But I've been hanging around too many weird countries the last three years and the blood bank doesn't want it anymore. ;-)
Maybe she's got HIV and didn't tell her "partner" yet.
I wonder if there's some kind of inheritance she gets if her brother dies from a trust?
Saintly? What are you talking about? More likely he's one of those folks who just needs killin. She's certainly not refusing the transplant for no good reason.
"After Spring Break, she goes in for the procedure. From what she has been told the procedure is mildly painful but she believes it's worth it."
WOW! Your daughter sounds like a gem of a girl! God bless her sweet unselfish heart. I know that you must be very, very proud.
"I have donated bone marrow twice."
You deserve many kisses and hugs for your wonderful and selfless deed. This Louisiana mom salutes you and wishes you all the best.
Yup - I understand. I'm just saying he's in a better position to be the better person. He can perpetuate bitterness long after he dies or he can be an instrument of healing in his death. I hope he chooses the higher road.
"On this topic, I will never understand why healthy people avoid donating blood."
I'd love to donate. they bring the bus to my work every month.
however, Red Cross won't let me donate blood without giving them my social security number, which I refuse to do.
how crazy / short sighted are they ?
I am an organ donor though ( although not soon I hope ! ;-)
I fail to see how this is news. People have the right to control their own bodies.
In Europe it is very common to call the man that you live with your partner if you aren't married. I don't think she is a lesbian.
Why, isn't that sweet!
And yet, so very icky! ;^)
I thought I was the only one who thought so.
Since there reportedly are no risks, this is nasty of the sister. There have been cases of strangers doing more for those in need of organ donations.
I agree when it comes to the Anna Nicole/ Brittany stuff. But, when it comes to a life-or-death issue, I would throw decorum out the window. The sister may very well be what stands between life and death in this case. And, while I don't believe in government intervention in such a case, there is nothing wrong with good, old-fashioned shaming now and then.
"I fail to see how this is news. People have the right to control their own bodies." Agreed, people have the "right" to do a lot of things. And society has the "right" to express condemnation. It is "news" because it is a "man bites dog story". I doubt many sisters would be so calloused.
God bless your son! "You are my hero" is all that needs to be said.
Not saying you are right or wrong regarding the situation but we are not there and don't know the whole story. Sounds to me like there is more going on than what has been reported cause I can't understand either how if you love someone and they are family memembers especially a sibling that you would not step up to the plate and help them out. No matter how you slice it though,those kinds of negative remarks are unnecessary and don't contribute a thing.
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