Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
Oh I hope its you. I would really like to keep my pollyanna prissy-pants halo undented. Ha!
The only thing horrible, cold, and senseless is the behavior of the sister-SO FAR.
The only thing horrible, cold, and senseless is the behavior of the sister-SO FAR.
What a horrible woman!!! I can't even begin to imagine what a cesspool her soul must be. My son found out he was a bone marrow match his senior year in college. He went through the whole thing,involving a couple weeks of shots to bump up his red blood cell count before the procedure, whilst writing his senior thesis. He had some serious headaches and felt like crap for a month. But he never once considered not doing it. He didn't think he could have lived with himself. A year later, the man who received his bone marrow wrote him a letter and said "You are my hero". You don't get many opportunities like that in life. They are God-given and if you let them pass you by, you lose a bit of yourself. I'll keep this man in my prayers....
Yikes! I missed the word 'halo' when I first read that!!!
Wow. Nicely stated. We've never met.
You can bet that if there are closet jerks in the family they'll come out when there is an estate to be settled.
Bit of a difference between organs and bone marrow.
If it's someone that you're related to, go for it.
> is donating bone marrow particularly painful? long recovery process?
No. It does not hurt one bit: back in the '90's it was done under General Anaesthetic with an overnite stay in hospital (just to make sure you got thru the General OK).
They take a tiny FRACTION of your bone marrow: you have more than plenty and will never miss it. It regenerates in a couple weeks anyrate, so no harm done.
Why they do it under General? Who knows? Maybe it's easier
for the doctor, maybe it's because people might get freaked out at a big needle, maybe it's because it takes a while and it's easier if the donor is immobile for a wee spell. Who knows?
As best I understand, the only risks are the routine risks associated with going under with a General and then waking up. The rest is a yawn: they DO NOT cut you open and rip out parts of your body. Essentially it is ONLY a long sterile needle pushed into your hip bone. You probably will not notice the surgical wound: they will probably put a bandaid over it and that's all.
It is so trivial a procedure it is hardly worth putting a hospital gown on for. Hey, they have their reasons for wanting to keep you overnite: you gotta sleep somewhere, so it's not a big deal. They feed you anyrate, and these days hospital food is pretty good.
You are a Donor, so they treat you very well in Hospital.
Recovery? OK, you're supposed to feel a little bit stiff and sore afterward: whether that is due to anaesthesia or due to the donation or due to the usual slightly-uncomfortable hospital bed who knows? It is a fleeting thing at best and goes away quick-smart.
I say donate and save a life, if you get the opportunity. Just do it. It is lo risk and hi impact: you are unlikely to die as a result of your decision to donate. And somebody unknown to you is very likely to live as a result of your unselfish decision. That's great!
And in the extremely unlikely event that the very worst happened -- if somehow you died doing this -- I can't think of a better way to leave this life or a better reason for doing so: unconscious and reasonably comfortable, trying to save some other person's life unselfishly. God would certainly understand:
"Greater love hath no man than this..."
Given my choice, that will be my Way Out.
*DieHard*
I would cross a burning desert with a Zulu lance sticking out of my back to help my brother in a life-or-death situation.
I would really like to keep my pollyanna prissy-pants undented.
Painted a very amusing pictice...
Bingo!
Even though this Daily Mail story is intended to portray the sister as selfish and uncaring (even cruel), it unwittingly portrays her brother and his wife as self-pitying grandstanders, dragging their family feuds into the public square.
It also occurs to me that Helen may have legitimate reasons to decline being a donor -- such as an undisclosed HIV-positive test or other confidential medical condition. What the Daily Mail has said about her almost amounts to libel.
Well....No....not really.
I think I'm too close to it. LOL.
Very succinctly put. Dead on.
I have read the whole article, and just a few of the responses...I will go back and read the entire thread after I finish posting..
I just wanted to say, my own son died of complications from acute promyelocytic leukemia, at age 15 yrs in 1984...at the time of his diagnosis, survival past 2 years with the most awful horrendous chemo one can imagine, was still only at 20 percent...since that time, there have been great advancements in treating and possibly curing this particular type of leukemia...unfortunately, this father, was not one of those who was successfully treated...
We tried desperately for a bone marrow transplant, but neither my husband, nor I, nor our younger son, were good donors...so we tried for an autologous bone marrow transplant(where the patient himself, has his marrow extracted, cleaned up, and reinfused)...unfortunately our son relapsed and died before the transplant could be undertaken...
But if we had had a suitable donor, who was willing to donate their marrow, we would have been overjoyed...
Whatever disagreement this woman has with her brother, surely she should be able to resolve it, in some other way...whatever reasons she has for denying her brother a chance at life, couldnt they be put aside for the time being, and allow her brother to have a chance, so that they might actually be able to resolve those issues...
I just cannot help but feel, that if she continues to deny help to her brother, in the form of her marrow donation, and then he died, that she will one day, greatly regret the choice she made, whether out of anger, or whatever...I hope she reconsiders, and give her brother a chance at life, and gives herself, that satisfaction, that she was mature enough to put aside differences and help her brother...
True, he does not have a 'right', to her marrow, he does not have a 'right', to her body part....but the whole thing just seems to be so very cruel on her part...
I know that her brother has gone through hell, with whatever treatments he has had up to this point...and the preparation for, and the time after the transplant, will be horrendous as well...if she wants her brother to suffer, with or without the transplant he will be suffering..
I hope this situation can be resolved and this man and his wife and children have a chance at life..that dang APL leukemia, is a vicious killer...
Smirking at the death of your own brother who is the father of young children isn't civilized or acceptable, no matter the circumstances.
I can see a number of reasons why her actions would be explainable.
Perhaps, she, like me, is scared of medical procedures. I'm personally terrified, not of surgery, but of being knocked-out almost to the point of phobia.
I absolutely would not have ANY elective surgery, even donate tissue/organs, unless that person was extremely important to me, and I may still have to be dragged forcibly to the hospital at that. A sibling I might be having long-term quarrels with might not cut it.
This is probably not the case, but it's something to think about. I don't think we have the full story and one person's (who had to be arrested apparantly) opinion that someone is smirking is entirely subjective. The sister may have been going for "sympathetic" and got misinterpreted.
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