Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
My brother and I are very close and he wouldn't have to ASK me to donate, I'd volunteer.
Lesson:
Be Careful of whose lifestyle you Pass Judgement.
In the end? Maybe. It was for a nephew or niece...I don't recall. They didn't make it, but perhaps got an extra year or so. I never really put the question to him and changed jobs, havn't seen him in a few years now.
True enough. You also don't have to save someone who is drowning.
I don't think we have a right to use force of law to compel her to give her marrow. I do think that her decision has consequences, one of which is that she if publicly scorned.
She is not entitled to be free of scorn, either.
I would if I could. I'm a recipient of a bone marrow transplant. I'm not even allowed to give blood.
In this case I don't think we can even assume sis and her 'partner' are not husband and wife.
I think you're right. That way when we move over to support homosexuals in all walks of life, no one will notice it.
Oh, my gosh! This is his LIFE we're talking about. I'd probably do EVERYTHING I could, also.
"....because he sure does seem to feel entitled, ...."
He's probably desparate. I mean, what would YOU do??? Die "gracefully"??
May the Lord Bless your Donor.
Payback. I'd start by working through her kids. I'd be calling them and sending them mail saying stuff like, "you know your mommy's gonna let me die? Your uncle will die because your mommy won't help him."
I'm serious. If she changed her mind, great. If not, I'd at least have messed up her relationship with her kids.
I don't think that's any colder than what this woman is doing.
The Good Lord certainly blessed me!
Ona side note, after my transplant, my blood type changed fromn O pos to O neg!
Is that awesome or what!?
The guy sounds like an ass to me.
I'm glad my siblings are not asses; and I hope to not be an ass to them.
(My oldest sister has four kidneys--we call her our kidney bank. I think I'll send her some See's.)
I'm sure if you were in his shoes you would say "No hard feelin's, Sis" and die quietly.
I'd prefer to reserve that term for murderers, rapists, and company who willingly choose to cause harm."
Well, what DO you call denying someone a life-saving measure??? By denying that life-saving measure, to me, is willingly choosing to cause harm, and I'd call that EVIL! Heck, if by denying someone that help isn't harm, then, WHAT is it????
The Chinese are ahead of you. Everyone in red China is an organ donor.
No, we don't know the reasons, of course.
All I can say is that I can easily conceive of having such a bad relationship with a brother or sister that I never wanted to see them again or have them in my house, whether it was my fault or hers or some combination of the two. I think I would still be willing to donate bone marrow to save that person's life, however. Maybe we'd never speak to each other again even after that. But it still seems wrong to me to deny someone the chance to live.
It really depends on the day. She would probably think that Gaia is blessing her.
Exactly! In a free society, people are entitled to make all sorts of selfish decisions. But everyone around them is also free to judge those decisions. Some decisions are deserving of scorn.
For you, perhaps no big deal... but she might have risk factors that make such a surgical procedure much more dangerous... Many people have a history of reaction to anesthesia which predisposes them to greatly increased chance of sudden death during even routine procedures. There are a number of other conditions that would make even a routine surgery very risky... My point is we don't know the facts, just a very one sided spin. Maybe she is cold hearted, but we just don't know. I'm not judging her based on that.
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