Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
Looks like sis doesn't like boys, even her own brother.
Her "partner" could be a man. Just not her husband.
I don;t like the idea of a hospital looking at me as worth more to them dead and a cache of body parts, than alive and having an insurance company pay the bill for my stay.
I just don't trust them that much.
"Donating bone marrow is not without consequence. The pain is just the start. I know a donor that spent about 6 months fighting all sorts of issues, some of which was because of the anesthesia, others included ongoing pain and pneumonia that nearly killed him."
Yeh, but was it worth it?
It would, but the net result would be far more organs available.
I read the second her as meaning the partner is female.
This kind of dirty laundry from a family that has obviously had its problems should not be in the news. Although I feel bad for the guy with cancer, it is his sister's choice to not donate her marrow, and he should not be putting this kind of public pressure on her.
Your daughter is an angel.
I agree. A way around that would be the donations only happen if your family members sign off.
I bet she has some kind of Blood disorder.
Starting with a few unsupported assumptions, he's a jerk, hurt her in one of a thousand unforgivable ways, just pissed her off, whatever, the leap to suggesting they have or expect ownership or entitlement to her body is a fairly large one.
At the extreme, that would entail carting a leg or something into the specialists office, expecting them to pull bone marrow out of it, and then not expecting to be charged with kidnapping, assault, battery, torture, attempted or actual murder, in the pre-planned, first degree sense...
The facts, apparently are, he needs marrow, she is a match, without it he will die, she is his brother, and she for some (whatever) reason doesn't want to donate the potentially lifesaving marrow to him.
She says no, that is her decision. However, her decision certainly doesn't insulate her from scrutiny or questions as to why she would do so. I agree that she is never required to tell, but, if she wanted to defend her decision for good reason she certainly has the audience.
I guess I agree, donation is her decision, but I whole heartedly disagree that someone who's life is on the line is out of line for trying to bring pressure to the situation.
Hopefully, others won't follow her lead in the need for blood donations, or breaking for a jaywalker, etc....
So you're subtly suggesting he should kill her?
Me, I'd just await my fate and make my peace. The sister will receive hers in the end.
I am officially scheduled to be "parted out" when I go. ;-)
You know, if you knew my family, you wouldn't trust them with that, either. :-)
I guess a dumb question - but when my daughter got her drivers license at 16 (she is 17 now) she was asked if she wanted to be an organ donor - I wasn't sure what to tell her. At 16 CAN she make that decision? She is not an adult. With her at 16 can I or should I make that choice? I felt creepy making that decision for her, but didn't feel as if she was in a position, due to age to make it herself. Confusing ?
I DO!
Yeah. I don't understand but he needs to just accept her decision and pray for another donor. I don't know what good airing this in public does any of them.
Just dang. I am in awe of your daughter. That is really selfless of her. Kudos to you for raising such a fine person! :)
I read the second her as meaning the partner is female.
You could be right. I took the "her" to mean his sister lived there with her partner and "her" daughter, as if the man she was living with was not the father of her daughter. I hope you're not confused, because I am. LOL Suffice to say, she's living with someone who she is not married to. ;o)
Frankly I don't know why this already isn't the law.
The comment was still not nice at all. I don't know what their story is and that is THEIR business.
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