Posted on 02/18/2007 6:36:04 AM PST by Bean Counter
It is well known that Washington state and Oregon are “blue”, politically speaking. It’s also quite evident that people in these two states love their dogs. These two fact are not mutually exclusive and in fact are related.
It’s hard to go anywhere around here and not notice a preponderance of dogs. For the most part, they’re well-behaved, happy and fully engaged with their owners and with each other.
On the other hand, the few cats that inhabit this area are either indoors, hiding from all of the dogs, or slithering around outdoors, answering their instincts as feral varmints.
When these two types of pets are placed on the political continuum, it becomes clear that dogs are Democrats and cats are Republicans.
As liberals, dogs believe it takes a village, and every dog wants to be a romping, slobbering, “I love you, so much” part of that village. Dogs love interacting with other creatures, especially humans. If you throw a stick or a tennis ball, a good dog will fetch it and be happy about it. A great dog will even make a big production out of fetching a Frisbee, executing an airborne pirouette.
The last time I threw a stick for a cat to fetch, the cat looked at me as if to say, “If you weren’t so immersed in your pathetic, cradle-to-grave dependence on others, you’d fetch that stupid stick yourself. Don’t you believe in personal responsibility?” I feel so intimidated.
Dogs have a trait that is typical among Democrats; a sense of humor that is superior to the conservative cat’s. It’s kind of like the difference between Jon Stewart, all goofy and yukking it up and interrupting people, and Bill O’Reilly, all loud and irate and interrupting people.
You can easily tell when a dog is having a good time. Next time you drive by the off-leash dog park at the BPA Ross Complex in Hazel Dell, stop and watch these dogs. They’re in canine heaven. They love their “bark park”, and they know that if a dog misbehaves, that dog is banished from all the fun. You’ll see all types of dogs at the off-leash park. What you won’t see are cats. There is no such thing as a “meow park”.
Cats prefer rugged individualism
A dog has the same innate Democratic desire to help others in need. He can become more than just the best friend of a person who has no vision. He becomes that person’s eyes, even the guardian.
Cats, as conservatives, embrace the doctrine of rugged individualism. They believe that people who are in need should stop mooching off others and simply pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. That'’ why there’s no such thing as a seeing eye cat.
As liberals, dogs support mass transit. They know the wisdom of traveling as a group, even if it means 12 to16 dogs taking two weeks to run 1,150 miles across a winter wilderness. Anchorage to Nome in early March? Piece of cake. Iditarod sled dogs laugh the whole way.
But you will never see a sled cat.
Blue state folks place a much higher value on their Democratic dogs than on their Republican cats. In the Columbian’s classified ads last Sunday, there were 32 ads for dogs, most costing hundreds of dollars each, up to $650 for one 9-week old Doberman. Sadly, there was only one ad for a cat for sale, and for a pittance: just 20 bucks. Have you ever seen a 20-dollar cat? It’s not very pretty.
In the “Lost” section of those classified ads, there were four ads for lost cats, but not a single ad for a lost dog. Explanation: Cats, like Pat Buchannan, are isolationists. Dogs, though, readily make allies and keep those coalitions willing. Dogs are pace-bound. They love their homes, they know they can’t solve their problems by alienating allies.
Like most Democrats, dogs are well suited for the public spotlight. A bunch of real Barack Obama's they are, usually with fun names like Buster, Bubba, or Lucky. At a dog show, those critters are sprinting happily, trying to impress the judges. At a cat show, the entrants – with elitist names like Princess, Cleopatra, or Hermione – don’t do a thing. They just sit there, as angry as Ann Coulter. The only way judges can stimulate any response is to torment the cats by dangling ribbons in their faces.
I suppose there are places where cats matter. That 2004 presidential election map that the GOP loves to flash is awash in red states. But around these parts, it’s quite obvious: you’ll only see a dog – never a cat – named Old Blue.
John Laird is the Columbian’s editorial page editor. His column of personal opinion appears on the View page each Sunday. Reach him at jonh.laird@columbian.com
I could not wait to get this one up for my fellow Freepers to open fire on....Talk about your target-rich environments!
Unfortunately, this is all too typical of what we put up with out here on a regular basis from this guy...
Sic 'em!!
This *HAS* to be satire.
For the most part, they’re well-behaved, happy and fully engaged with their owners and with each other.
Actually, no, they're not.
They're spoiled, insecure, reactive, agressive, and generally just poorly behaved.
And the problem has been getting worse, as more and more pet owners get taken in by the "purely positive" myth.
Standards of performance in obedience competitions have fallen dramatically, over the last 15 years. And the behavior of the dogs not in the ring is truly attrocious.
(On the other hand, watching the crowd at a field trial will restore your faith in humanity. Beautiful, happy, healthy, and very well-behaved dogs. But the hunting and field trial crowd hasn't bought into the myth.
My dog does not believe "it takes a village". To him, "it takes a sofa", and that's about it.
"This *HAS* to be satire."
Unfortunately, it is not. This guy regularly expounds on the locals like this, to such an extent that I keep a spreadsheet devoted to the creative names he comes up with to describe anyone who disagrees with him.
The other nugget here...if you re-read the entire piece, consider his comments about transit. Soutwest Washington is in the middle of a mandatory Federal Department of Transportation public comment period for the Columbia Crossing Project.
I won't try and relate the entire thing in this thread, but Laird and his newspaper are on record doing everything they can to discourage the Public from even participating in the Open House events, and ridiculing those who do.
The track record of the only newspaper of significance in this section of the State, may come into play some day when this "Project" tries to apply for Federal funding. In fact, the track record of the Columbian's Editorial Board could well be directly responsible some day for getting the whole Columbia Crossing Project shot down in flames, and sent back to the start for real Public comment by the Feds.
yah, Comrade Laird writes little maifestos like this nearly every week.
Stout Hearts....
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
This guy doesn't get it- to find lefties in the animal kingdom you only need to look at parasites.
The idiotic author of this article misses out on one thing... Jon Stewart is a stand up comedian. Bill O'Reilly is a political commentator. I wonder why Stewart is supposedly "funnier," especially given that one of the shows is on a cable channel named "Comedy Central," while the other is on a cable channel named "Fox News Network."
Mark
My neighbor calls my oldest dog a Tenncare abuser because he spent so much time at the vets two years ago; he also calls him a Democrat, my neighbor's penultimate expletive description.
His one dog and two cats are perceived as a simple Democrat (dog) and two libertarians without conscience(cats).
But my dog hasn't been asked to fix global warming or the health care crisis yet.
That is so funny about there being no Meow Park - how true!
It's got MY vote!
Democrats are neither cat nor dog,they are more like a spineless jellyfish.They are spineless and easily manipulated by the strongest current but I think the jellyfish is too good to be a democrat.Maybe the writer meant that democrats were the steaming pile of stuff the dogs deposit on the lawn.That's something I can believe.
It's very easy to break a dog. But cats make you work for their affection. Cats don't sell out like dogs do.
1 -- She's a Texan, born in Fort Worth, TX (actually, just south in Alvarado.)
2 -- She's a freaking Rottweiler. Can you think of a LESS liberal leftwing p***y dog? I THINK NOT!
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