Posted on 01/28/2007 5:36:34 AM PST by Chi-townChief
It has become one of the great American sports traditions, the political bet. A major game gets people all worked up and happy at the same time, not worrying about snow removal, potholes or taxes. And that makes it safe for a governor or mayor to get in on it. So rival politicians bet something that screams out the identity of their hometowns. Two weeks ago the Bears beat the Seattle Seahawks, and Mayor Daley took Seattle Mayor Greg Nickles for beer, coffee and salmon. (Too bad that when the stuff arrived, the beer bottles had broken and drenched the coffee-flavored chocolates.) Last week the Bears beat the New Orleans Saints, and Mayor Daley won beignets.
But with the Bears about to play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl, we have a problem:
What could Indiana possibly have to bet that we would want?
I mean, Chicago can offer Indiana pizza, ribs, beef sandwiches and dental work. But do we really need ballcaps with farm company names on them?
Rumor has it Indianapolis Gov. Mitch Daniels wants to offer up Gary.
I don't often admit this, but I have some friends in Indiana. I called them to ask what they could bet.
''How about corn?''
We have corn.
''Soy?''
Another Indiana friend said they love their pork-tenderloin sandwiches, and that did sound good.
''Pork tenderloin and a carton of cigarettes,'' he said.
Someone else suggested tickets to the Indy 500, but there are two problems with that: One, they just drive around in circles all day. Two, we have to go to Indiana to see it.
Indiana has a serious image problem in Chicago. To us, it seems like a big truck stop between cities.
A few years ago, my brother-in-law started dating a woman from Fort Wayne. Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.
Channeling Royko Indiana has Notre Dame, but that always seemed like a Chicago school filled with Chicago kids. They had a great movie, ''Hoosiers.'' But the story of Illinois' tiny Hebron was just as good. Their greatest sports hero is a guy who wore red sweaters, threw chairs across a basketball court and choked his own players. Eventually, they kicked him out.
''Eli Lilly is based in Indianapolis,'' a friend said.
Yes, but why would we need Prozac if the Bears win?
''They also make Cialis.''
Here's a thought: If the Bears win, then Indiana gives back Eric Gordon. He's the high school basketball phenom from Indianapolis who had committed to the Illini until new Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson got him to change his mind.
I do have a thing against Indiana. It is ingrained in all Chicagoans. And then confirmed through experience.
For Chicagoans, these feelings came to a head in 1982 with Mike Royko's columns in the Sun-Times. And part of the fun was watching Indiana people get so uppity about it.
''For most males in Indiana, a real good time consists of putting on bib overalls and a cap bearing the name of a farm equipment company and sauntering to a gas station to sit around and gossip about how Elmer couldn't get his pickup truck started that morning,'' he wrote.
And this: ''Its only large cities are Indianapolis and Gary, which give you the choice of dying of boredom or of multiple gunshot wounds.''
God, he would have loved this Bears-Colts week.
One time in Indianapolis, I went to grab some dinner just after 10 p.m., and everything was closed. I ended up having to go to a White Castle, where I stood in line for 20 minutes behind a hooker and a pimp. I wrote about that once, and several people from Indiana asked why I wanted to eat that late in the first place.
Once after a basketball game, I went to a nearby bar in downtown Indianapolis. The place was packed with everyone having fun, and they were playing retro music from the 1970s. It was a nice community thing, how everyone had bought into the whole theme and dressed in 1970s clothes and hair.
Turned out, that wasn't a theme.
Do they know what a Hoosier is? These people excitedly call themselves Hoosiers, without knowing what it means. There all sorts of theories. In the old days, Indiana people were so rough that they always would fight in bars. By the end of the night, someone would see a piece of something on the floor and ask, ''Whose ear?'' Eventually, that morphed into Hoosier.
But on indiana.edu, Jeffrey Graf of the reference department of the Indiana University Libraries says that Southerners used to use the term Hoosier ''to denote a rustic, a bumpkin, a countryman, a roughneck, a hick or an awkward, uncouth or unskilled fellow.''
He described the ''cousins'' of the word Hoosier to be ''cracker'' and ''redneck.''
So here's the deal: If the Colts win, Indiana promises to keep its stuff.
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John Madden was in Buffalo to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone near the Bills bench. He asked Drew Bledsoe what it was used for and was told it was a hotline to God. John asked if he could use it. Drew told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $200." John scratched his head, then thought, what the heck, I could use some help picking games. He pulled out his wallet and paid $200. John's picks were perfect that week.
The next week John was in Foxboro at Gillette Stadium when he noticed that same kind of phone on the Patriot's bench. He asked what the telephone was for and Tom Brady told him, "It's a hotline to God. If you want to use it, it will cost you $500." Recalling last week, John pulled out his wallet and made the call. John's picks were perfect again that week.
The next weekend John was in Indianapolis when he noticed the same kind of telephone by the Colts bench. He asked Peyton Manning , "Is that the hotline to God?"
Peyton said, "Yes, and if you want to use it, it will cost you 50 cents."
John looked incredulously at Peyton and said, "Wait a second, I just paid $200 in Buffalo and $500 in New England to use the same phone to God! Why do the Colts only charge 50 cents?"
Peyton looked at John and replied, "Because in Indianapolis, it's a local call."
GO COLTS
Indy is a very nice town with an interesting town square. I spent some time there a few years ago. It isn't Chicago but still nice. A few shares of Lilly would be a good bet.
Go Bears.
Well it is no worse than exhibiting his ignorance in the sports field. Listening to Sports babble the other day the Local yakkers seem to think the Bears finished 3-13 rather than 13-3 and were on the verge of a disaster from every angle.
Did I ever tell you I HATE the presstitutes?
The Colts are a much better team than the Bears. That said, final score: Bears 37, Colts 24. [Huh? I like your result but wonder how you got there.]
Remember Miegs Field
So true!
Eaxactly! The Chicago fans were brutal to the Saints fans due in large part to Reggie Bush taunting Urlacher. Reggie showed the type of guy he is on that play. Urlacher is tough and always fired up, but I have never seen him taunt anyone.
Perhaps you are unaware that the Bears scored the same number of points in the regular season as the Colts. Or that they had the highest scoring game in the post season.
This isn't the No Scoring Bears teams of old.
Never fear Chicago always has plenty of "Republican" poll watchers. It gets them from the School for the Blind.
Well, after the superbowl, I bet that Chicago will be wanting/wishing for Peyton Manning instead of the loser they have now
While some areas of Chicago are almost as bad as Gary the city is not run down but is spectacularly beautiful. There isn't a drive prettier than going down Lake Shore Drive. This city definitely is not and never has been for the faint at heart though.
I bet you they would take Peyton Manning in a heartbeat!
Including obnoxious people from Chicago I suspect...
This is a hack writer, with no knowledge of sports. So he writes crap like this to keep a job.
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Lincoln Park when a crazed Rottweiler suddenly attacks one of the boys. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is standing by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Cub Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Cubs fan," the little boy replies. "Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts writing again.
"Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Sox fan either," the little boy replies.
"Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts writing again.
"Bears Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook.
"I'm not a Bears fan either," says the boy.
"Oh... I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs, Sox, or Bears. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Colts fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
"Little B*****d From Indiana Kills Beloved Family Pet"
You spelled that wrong. It's Crook County.
This is typical nearby rivalry hyperbole .. in VA they do it about WV. In NY they do it about NJ. It may be tacky but it's not original to Chicago.
Besides, Indianapolis DID get the last laugh!
How about a Super Bowl trophy? LOL.
I'm glad I stumbled across this thread again. The chuckle was a good way to start my day.
Note to self: Don't forget to stop at Dick's for a Super Bowl shirt.
I hope they enjoy the fun, now it's time for the Lions to do something!
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