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"When my youngest was about two, she refused to pick up her toys, so I placed her feet on mine, held her hands, *walked* her over to the toys, *picked* them up with my hands over hers, *walked* her back to the toy box, pried her fingers open to make her drop the toy in. She screamed bloody murder the whole time, but it went a long way."

Funny..we have done almost that EXACT same thing here!

My youngest is a super, amazing, wonderful child...who is also a PAIN IN MY BEHIND!
He is the one who challenges EVERYTHING you say. (well, almost)
Has temper tantrums even now, at the age of 4!
He gets a DAILY DOSE of "consequences"...
Time outs...
Swat on the butt (which worked GREAT with the older one..but not so well with this one)...
And putting his favorite stuffed animal in time out..(which actually works the best)...
and extra jobs..(which are always followed by a time out because he HAS to complain about them)

That child makes me TIRED!

But...he would NEVER refuse to get in a seat..or really refuse to do ANYTHING...
He might "have a fit about it" and drive everyone a crazy while he was being punished...but he WOULD be punished..right there...on the plane or in the store (which has happened SEVERAL times)...or where EVER!!!

Anyway..I just can't IMAGINE this!

One thing I did with my son that worked really well was when he was having a bad day and being cantankerous, irritable, and picking on his sisters, I would make sure they were fed and pottied and had something to do. Then I would tell him that I could tell he was having a bad day and that I thought he needed a hug. So I'd sit on the floor and pull him into my lap and tell him I was going to hug him until he settled down. It took about an hour. First he fought, then he negotiated, then he begged, then finally, he'd break down and have a good cry.

We had to do that several times over the years but it always made a big difference. The funny thing was, all I would have to do after that was tell him I though he needed a hug and he'd straighten up pretty quick. Or he'd yell NO and run.

Sometimes spanking just isn't the right thing to do when they're not being outright defiant.