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One thing I did with my son that worked really well was when he was having a bad day and being cantankerous, irritable, and picking on his sisters, I would make sure they were fed and pottied and had something to do. Then I would tell him that I could tell he was having a bad day and that I thought he needed a hug. So I'd sit on the floor and pull him into my lap and tell him I was going to hug him until he settled down. It took about an hour. First he fought, then he negotiated, then he begged, then finally, he'd break down and have a good cry.

We had to do that several times over the years but it always made a big difference. The funny thing was, all I would have to do after that was tell him I though he needed a hug and he'd straighten up pretty quick. Or he'd yell NO and run.

Sometimes spanking just isn't the right thing to do when they're not being outright defiant.

That's so funny...good one that I will have to try...:-)

"Sometimes spanking just isn't the right thing to do when they're not being outright defiant."

That's the thing with him..is that he WILL do what you say..so that part is not defiant..but he is TOTALLY defiant in his attitude and response to the direction..

You say to him, "Andrew, it is time for nap, go get on your bed." And he WILL go to his room, but he has to have a complete FIT while getting there...
He actually says things like, "Do you want me to STOMP MY FEET and SCREAM?".
And then he will stomp his feet and have a fit.
Of course, this is not every time.....
But STILL...I guess it wouldn't be as bad if we were wimpy or inconsistent parents, but we follow through EVERY TIME..and there are just some days where I am thinking...
YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, SO WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT!!!!
ACK!!!

Thanks for the suggestion...I will have to TRY that one!!!
(He will HATE IT for sure...HA HA!!!)