From trophy wife to toxic wife

Telegraph ^ | 16 January 2007

[MadIvan]

I don't think marriage is any worse off here than anywhere else in the Western world. Are there these "toxic wives"? Certainly - but I've seen this type in America too; after all, who watches "The View" anyway?

As for being reluctant to divorce - our laws regarding alimony are harsh, so that is not surprising as a reason.

Regards, Ivan

[Redleg Duke]

The old German-American saying, "Ve grow too fast old und too late schmardt!"

[Froufrou]

In all fairness, I don't understand alimony. Why doesn't the man get it, if in fact the woman earns more? Or, in cases where husband gets custody of children, why doesn't he get alimony. Heck, why not the person who files for divorce has to pay the other alimony?

I think the whole concept of having to pay separate maintenance for someone you're divorcing is stretching things. If a woman isn't able to care for herself I don't think she's marriage material. Grief, what do these morons do if hubby gets a pink slip or gets hurt? They should be able to help out, period.

[DollyCali]

That was one of my dad's favorite sayings!

Snow is really heavy here.. think all plans for today are "off"..

boozey lunch, spa, nails, facial...

(NOT REALLY)

[Mama_Bear]

...but it's far better to live the single life than live the married life to the wrong person.

You are right about that.

I don't understand the "get something for nothing, leach mentality", but I do know that it is not exclusive to the female gender. It is prevalent today in our society among both sexes. I was raised to have too much pride in myself to leach off of anyone, ever. I went into my marriage as if it was a partnership and it has remained a partnership for almost 40 years. Economically, we are not at the same level as those discussed in this article, but my husband and I have done very well in life working as a team. Still, at no time did I ever think I was marrying a sugar daddy, any more than my husband thought he was marrying a trophy wife.

There are many women like me out there, still. But, you are right, we don't wear signs around our necks so that you guys can easily find us. But then, neither do the guys. It is just as difficult for us to find a good man. I guess I was just one of the lucky ones.

Pinging my husband, you lucky dog, you! ;-)

[Mr. Jeeves]

The world is your mirror. When you feel the need to judge another's behavior, it's usually because there is something about that behavior that reflects something in yourself that you don't like. For example, there is a fondness among male posters on FR for throwing around the words "slut" and "whore" on threads discussing female promiscuity and its results. These judgments are usually coming from men who, somewhere deep inside, wish women like those discussed in the articles had in the past chosen to be promiscuous with them. ;)

[Jaded]

OTOH, take my ex. He's on wife #4. When you add him to the statistics it makes everyone look bad.

[JenB]

Men don't understand the female mind. We are not able to sort the gold diggers from the good ones and probably never will. For 5000 years man has tried to understand woman and he has not managed it yet. If he hasn't done it by now, he's not going to.

Oh bah, that's usually an excuse for "She was really hot when I married her so I ignored her craziness, and now I can't live with her." It's the same piece-of-nonsense excuse as women use when their bad-boy hubby turns out to be a wife beater.

Spend some time with her family, see how she treats her father and what her parents' relationship is like. Meet her friends, maybe, and see what her interests are. Women are not all poisonous snakes just waiting to trap some poor guy, have two kids, and never lift a finger again.

[MHGinTN]

BTW, there is a fundamental difference between Joy and happiness. One is a daily blessing, the other is a life direction; one is a transactional process, the other is a point of view based in a relationship with God; one is managed with give and take relationships to those you love, the other is ... His gift to you into eternity.

[Mama_Bear]

Some lessons are very expensive

Yes, indeed. And I believe everything happens for a reason. For some reason, some people just have to learn the hard way.

I guess we were lucky. When we were first married, my husband couldn't afford a "trophy wife" and I didn't have what it takes to be one. So we were perfect for each other. LOL

[DollyCali]

yes you are lucky & I am happy for you. I have been the gamut of wealth it seems. I was the higher dollar earner when we divorced but leaving my state & business & the "high cost of leaving" soon changed that.

I am far happier now in a VERY modest/humble existence. God does provide what we need & I am truly happy. I miss travel & miss the ability to get what i WANT along the way.

My recent encounters with the "good life" financially have reaffirmed to me that I do enjoy the travel, amenities etc that the extra dollars provide.

[DollyCali]

absolutely and as the "good book" teaches the key is to be CONTENT - no matter what the circumstances,

[TexanToTheCore]

"Trophy wives do NOT camp and fish. They wouldn't do anything that might mess up their manicures. (seriously...)"


Trophy wives in Texas do. That is one reason of many that they are considered trophies.

I know a number of men with trophy wives and none of them resemble the people in the article.

[r9etb]

Great wives exist.

Indeed. I've got one.

[Mama_Bear]

Thoreau said, "Wealth is the ability to fully experience life." I don't know anyone who fully experiences life like you do, Dolly. Your enthusiasm for life comes through in every post you make here. You are richly blessed. :-)

[dfwgator]

"My wife," chipped in husband number two, "gives over the whole of the weekend to pursuing what she calls 'me time'. She goes to retreats, yoga mini-breaks, a spa, a health farm, even art classes… all of which I pay for, of course. What do I get back in return? Nothing."

"Dad got hosed!"

[LaineyDee]

If a woman isn't able to care for herself I don't think she's marriage material.

How short-sighted this statement is...

I left a 25yr marriage...and waived my rights to alimony because it was worth not having to deal with him and his anger on a monthly basis...every time he wrote out that check.

During that 25 years... I helped build his business and took total responsibility for the kids physically, spiritually and financially ....because in his words, "You wanted them, you pay for them". *chuckle* So I did. I worked the entire marriage and was made to pay half the bills (plus the kid's expenses) though he made double what I did.

My profession pays fairly well....but I've had to struggle over the years because...whether you want to believe it or not.....women are still discriminated against as far as equal pay and in the credit arena. (Especially a divorced women with children)

I would never again marry a man who put all his self-worth in his checkbook and looked at every woman as a potential "glorified roommate"...instead of a wife.

[Aquinasfan]

I don't understand the "get something for nothing, leach mentality", but I do know that it is not exclusive to the female gender. It is prevalent today in our society among both sexes.

That dream has been around for a long time, going back even to "the greatest generation." I grew up in the '60s, and back then "the dream" was belonging to a country club, going out to a steakhouse every weekend, owning a caddy, wearing white shoes, and basically, doing as little as humanly possible.

[JamesP81]

Oh bah, that's usually an excuse for "She was really hot when I married her so I ignored her craziness, and now I can't live with her." It's the same piece-of-nonsense excuse as women use when their bad-boy hubby turns out to be a wife beater.

I'd much prefer you were right; unfortunately, I think you're not.

[Aquinasfan]

....because in his words, "You wanted them, you pay for them".

Wow. Does he have any relationship with your kids now? I hope he's happy with his toys.