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LARK Terrorist Holding Program (Satire)
Antimullah ^ | 01/07/07 | Unknown

Posted on 01/07/2007 2:54:27 PM PST by FARS

Sunday, January 07, 2007 The LARK Program

THE LARK PROGRAM

A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.

She received back the following reply:

The White House1600 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington , D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay , Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington .. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens likeyourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend, GEORGE W. BUSH

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

(Hat tip to friend Anita Carroll)


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: gitmo; liberals; sirspamalot; wot
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Hits home, does it not?
1 posted on 01/07/2007 2:54:29 PM PST by FARS
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To: 1035rep; 1curiousmind; 4woodenboats; 5Madman2; AdmSmith; Alamo-Girl; alaskamomma; ...

Only two entities ready to die for you were:

Jesus - did so - for your soul

The American G.I. - does so - for your freedom


2 posted on 01/07/2007 3:03:02 PM PST by FARS
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To: FARS

Amen Fars!


3 posted on 01/07/2007 3:07:21 PM PST by TexKat (Just because you did not see it or read it, that does not mean it did or did not happen.)
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To: devolve; ntnychik; PhilDragoo; FARS; abb; Milhous; dixiechick; Grampa Dave; bitt; La Enchiladita; ..
From my Profile Page FARS;


4 posted on 01/07/2007 3:21:14 PM PST by potlatch (Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?)
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To: FARS
Well?

They ARE going to that right?
Right?

5 posted on 01/07/2007 3:21:27 PM PST by Publius6961 (MSM: Israelis are killed by rockets; Lebanese are killed by Israelis.)
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To: FARS
I wish I could write so well.

Maybe this could be sent to The New York Times editorial board.

But they wouldn't understand and just print another editorial on the Imperial Presidency.

6 posted on 01/07/2007 3:23:25 PM PST by HoosierHawk
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To: FARS
LOL.....That needs to be addressed to cindy sheehan and sent to her website.
7 posted on 01/07/2007 3:45:11 PM PST by AmeriBrit
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To: potlatch

wow !!!


8 posted on 01/07/2007 3:58:57 PM PST by Recovering Ex-hippie (There are no moderate Mooslims !)
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To: devolve; Recovering Ex-hippie; TEXOKIE; amom

Nice words huh?

When the war in Iraq started there was a constant prayer thread mostly run by TexOkie and amom, I believe. It could still be going on and I have lost track of it!

TexOkie posted those words and they impressed me so much that I framed and put them on my Profile.


9 posted on 01/07/2007 5:20:27 PM PST by potlatch (Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?)
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To: FARS

Amen.


10 posted on 01/07/2007 5:27:15 PM PST by jveritas (Support The Commander in Chief in Times of War)
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To: jveritas; All; 1035rep; 1curiousmind; 4woodenboats; 5Madman2; AdmSmith; Alamo-Girl; alaskamomma; ...

How about this thought?

Wise Old Indian

Recently someone was browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962), came across this reprint from the Washington News, and found it quite interesting in light of our current debates.

The quote reads:

Vice President Lyndon Johnson received the following message from a Native American Indian Chief on a reservation:

"Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."


11 posted on 01/07/2007 5:44:22 PM PST by FARS
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To: FARS

Whether true or not, it's excellent.


12 posted on 01/07/2007 5:53:12 PM PST by onyx (DONATE NOW! -- It takes DONATIONS to keep FR running!!)
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To: FARS

LOl!


13 posted on 01/07/2007 6:04:44 PM PST by TexKat (Just because you did not see it or read it, that does not mean it did or did not happen.)
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To: potlatch

14 posted on 01/07/2007 6:23:31 PM PST by devolve ( ....shop_invest_and_hire_wisely)
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To: devolve

Good post devolve.


15 posted on 01/07/2007 6:25:29 PM PST by potlatch (Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?)
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To: potlatch


My next post is more serious


16 posted on 01/07/2007 6:47:35 PM PST by devolve ( ....shop_invest_and_hire_wisely)
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To: devolve

Well, you just did the dancing cheeseburgers. What could be more serious than that??


17 posted on 01/07/2007 6:51:07 PM PST by potlatch (Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?)
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To: potlatch

Excellent prayer.


18 posted on 01/07/2007 6:55:29 PM PST by Milhous (Twixt truth and madness lies but a sliver of a stream.)
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To: FARS

Thanks for the ping!


19 posted on 01/07/2007 7:43:20 PM PST by Alamo-Girl
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To: FARS

The quote reads:

Vice President Lyndon Johnson received the following message from a Native American Indian Chief on a reservation:

"Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."
<<<

Laughing and agreeing with the Chief.


20 posted on 01/09/2007 8:36:18 PM PST by nw_arizona_granny (Pray for peace, but prepare for the worst disaster. Protect you loved ones.)
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